
Mistletoe!
Dreams swell and the heat rises.
Meanwhile in reality…
Chills with a full-bodied red.
Ah, Christmas.
How about spreading some joy?

Mistletoe!
Dreams swell and the heat rises.
Meanwhile in reality…
Chills with a full-bodied red.
Ah, Christmas.
How about spreading some joy?
She walks around…
covering naked truth,
in plastered smiles.
Praveena hardly slept that night. Her heart felt heavy; a pain she could neither understand nor relieve herself of. She lay back on her bed, staring at the clean ceiling fan.
‘What’s the problem with Pa?’ her inner voice asked, indignant, ‘how could he behave like that?’ Rage pulsed in her veins, but at the same time, she felt sad her father had been so rash with her. In all these years, he had always been the tolerant and ever-supportive father other people envied. And that made it all the more difficult for Praveena to accept his sudden change.
She wondered about her plan. It wasn’t a bad one as far as she could think. In fact, she told herself, it was a good decision; a way of helping others. Why then, didn’t her father want her to proceed? It confused her, and her inner mind offered an explanation: ‘“I don’t want you associating with anymore drug addicts.” Maybe he was worried about your future’.
‘Perhaps,’ Praveena agreed, ‘but that’s no reason to say something like that’ she thought bitterly. She was disappointed with her father’s untimely change. She planned to confront him again the next day. She was determined to carry out her plans, and she would do it with her father’s consent.
When Praveena came down for breakfast the next day, her father sat in the couch, waiting. He was ready for work and was reading a local magazine, when he noted Praveena looked at him from the foot of the staircase. He smiled at her, it was a broad and friendly smile; the usual smile he always greeted her with.
“Hey, good morning!” he said as Praveena still stood staring at him. “I’ve got to go a little early today. Eat, and be safe. I’ll see you in the evening.” he said hurriedly, collecting his bag and motorcycle keys. “Bye darling,” he added as he made to shut the door behind him.
“Bye, Pa.” The door swung shut even before Praveena had finished her goodbye. She sat on the final stair and sighed. ‘That was odd,’ her inner voice observed. ‘looks like he avoided you.’
Praveena couldn’t think of it that way, but she knew her inner voice had a point. Kamal had acted like the last night’s events hadn’t happened at all. But the way he did it made Praveena suspect he was avoiding confrontation purposefully.
She sat there for a few minutes, mulling over her father’s peculiar behaviour until her stomach growled. Doubting if there would be any breakfast at all, Praveena went over to the dining room to find bread and peanut butter sandwiches by the toaster on the table. Surprised by her father’s unconditional love for her, she made toast, and appreciated the bread after a long time.
That evening, Kamal arrived later than usual. When he pushed the doorknob inward and entered the threshold, he saw Praveena sleeping on the couch an open book lying over her face. He tiptoed up to her, and took the book away from her face.
Sensing sudden movement, Praveena awoke with a jolt. “Oh,” she exclaimed breathlessly. “Pa! You’re back.” she said as she sat up to regain her breath. Kamal placed the book on the table and sat next to her on the couch.
“Did you have something for dinner?” he inquired in a softly curious voice.
Praveena shook her head. “I made dinner,” she yawned. “go freshen up, we’ll eat.”
Kamal obeyed without protest. They sat for dinner and Praveena filled her father’s plate. They ate in silence. Praveena expected him to say something, but when he didn’t, she spoke. “Thanks, Pa.” she said. Judging by his look, Praveena could tell she had confused him.
“What for?” he asked surprised.
“For the sandwiches this morning” Praveena replied. Kamal nodded in acknowledgment, but said nothing.
“Pa?”
Kamal looked up from his plate.
“Pa – about the organiza – ” Praveena began slowly, but Kamal overrode her.
“My word is final, Praveena. Your fancies are going too far and they are off reality.” He said it a little lightly, but the note of finality, that Praveena had recently became familiar, with was still there.
“They’re not off reality, Pa.” It irritated her that her father hadn’t understood her, but unable to express her annoyance at him, she pleaded instead.
“Yes they are, Praveena.” Kamal replied. His dinner lay forgotten and so was Praveena’s. “You fancy too much. That day, you told me you needed some time before marriage. I said nothing, hoping you would agree when Kameela tried to persuade you.”
Praveena’s eyes widened in horror. Her heart couldn’t believe what the mind registered. They were in conflict. Kamal was still speaking, “but you told her the same thing.” he sighed. “I understand, sometimes it’s alright to say what you feel, but you could have at least given her some respect.”
‘I did respect her!’ Praveena wanted to scream, but Kamal didn’t seem to expect a response. He went on, his voice heavy, “Kameela’s blaming me because you don’t even address her as ‘aunt’. She’s accusing me of not raising you properly.” Kamal sighed, looking at Praveena. She was lost for words. When she had spoken with aunt Kameela, she hadn’t felt like addressing her formally. She hadn’t known a simple matter like that would hurt her father so much. She sat with tears blurring her vision.
“What can I tell her, Praveena? Should I agree with her that I’ve given you too much freedom?” he took Praveena’s hand in his, “You are old enough to get married Praveena, but what you wish to do is help addicts recover. Bad idea, my darling.” He gently patted her arm, and she knew he had locked her. She needed to find a way through this emotional barrier before it became too late. ‘But how?’
Praveena woke up in high spirits. When she looked out the window, she noticed the bright blue sky, dotted with mild grey clouds. She smiled to herself as the wind brushed against her face.
She got ready for what she anticipated a tiring, yet rewarding day. Kamal was already at the dining table and he didn’t miss the skip in her step.
“You seem happy,” he observed as they sat for breakfast. He had made her favourite breakfast of traditional dosas and chutney.
“Hmm,” she responded her mouth full. She hadn’t expected such a treat. Her father specialized in every type of food that she loved and each day, Praveena ate extra-well, making up for all the pounds she lost in college. “Pa, this is so delicious!” she exclaimed holding up a piece of the dosa dipped in hot chilli chutney and smacking her lips.
Kamal smiled at her. Somehow, Praveena noticed he looked much bleaker than usual. His eyes had lost their colour, his skin had begun to sport wrinkles and he seemed a little moody as well. “What’s happened, Pa?” she queried, putting down the piece she had just raised to her mouth. Now that she properly looked at him, she realized that his forehead was wrinkled as if either tensed or worried. Praveena chided herself for not spending more time with her father. Ever since she had returned, he had somehow distanced himself from her and had become busy with work.
As Praveena looked at him expecting him to speak, Kamal shook his head. “Nothing,” he said continuing with his breakfast. “Eat.” he added catching her still staring at him.
Praveena felt the battle wage within her. Was it the right time for a discussion? ‘Perhaps not,’ her inner voice helped her decide. She heeded the advice, surprising herself.
Once Kamal had left for work, Praveena spent the whole of the day contemplating on how to tell her father about her plans to organize a self help group. It seemed like a good idea to her, but she also wanted to hear her father’s take on it. She knew he would have another perspective, and hoped he’d help get started with all the work. ‘This is going to good!’ she could hear her inner voice jumping in delight.
She spent the rest of the day reading, and despite her efforts to concentrate, her mind made plans all the while.
When Kamal returned that evening, she greeted him at the door as usual. He dragged himself through the doorway and slumped on the couch, worrying Praveena.
“Pa?” she spoke uncertainly.
Kamal heaved a sigh. “Hmm?” Seeing the look of concern on Praveena’s face, “Just another long day,” he sighed. Praveena smiled and went into the kitchen.
She handed him a glass of ice water and sat next to him on the couch. Kamal drank, and reached out to place the glass on the table in front of the couch. “That’s better,” he said as he made to get up. “So, what do you want for dinner?” he asked.
“Why don’t you go wash up?” Praveena suggested smiling. “I’ll take care of dinner.”
Kamal smiled crookedly, raising his eyebrows. He said nothing though. Smiling, he nodded and left.
Twenty minutes later, Praveena sat at the table with her father to taste the dinner she had prepared. Kamal watched in silent surprise, as she served him hot chappatis and gravy. She sat next to him and helped herself.
They ate in silence, but Praveena’s mind screamed for feedback. For some reason, she felt the meal had a great flavour. Maybe love was the secret ingredient, she appreciated herself. ‘Or maybe, it’s because you want to flatter your father,’ her inner voice spoke the fact, annoying Praveena.
“How’s is it, Pa?” she asked.
Kamal looked into her eyes, unflinching. “Well,” he said smiling, “it’s actually good — for a bribe.” He smiled broadly now. Praveena bit her lip, looking sheepish. Kamal laughed, loud and hearty.
“What is it? You’re in love with someone and you want my permission?” he almost snorted, raising his eyebrows questioningly.
“No!” Praveena exclaimed defensively, making a little frown replace Kamal’s smile.
“What is it then?” he asked more serious.
“Well,” Praveena hesitated. Kamal looked into her eyes and she felt a slight chill at the back of her spine.
“I — er — we — that is, Anil and I — thought of starting a self help group. For drug addicts.” Even as she spoke, she could see Kamal’s expression changing. He didn’t look inviting anymore. Praveena waited, expecting her father to say something, but he didn’t. She had expected him to be excited and encourage her to carry out her plan, but his look suggested otherwise. “So…” she dragged, trying to make her father speak. But as he remained silent, “wha’d’you think?” she blurted out.
Kamal rested his cheek on his hand and took a deep sigh. The silence rang in Praveena’s ears. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Kamal said at last.
Praveena was crestfallen. “Why not, Pa?” she pleaded.
“Well…” Kamal stumbled. He didn’t know how to say it. “It’s dangerous,” he managed weakly. And when Praveena looked at him incredulously, “I don’t want you associating with anymore drug addicts!” he replied with a hint of annoyance.
Praveena couldn’t digest his tone of finality. She sat stunned at what her father had said. “anymore” he had said. Her insides squirmed.
Kamal hadn’t waited for a reaction though. He rose and cleared the table as Praveena sat with her father’s words ringing in her ears.
Praveena didn’t know what to make of her father’s queer behaviour. She had never seen him act so rude, to her in particular. She stared at him in disbelief as he did the dishes, left the dining room, without even a “good night.”
It was a cool Sunday afternoon and Praveena lazed back on the couch, reading. Ms Marrie had recommended the book. It was a book about living life from a different perspective. It was titled Tuesdays with Morrie, a non fiction by Mitch Albom.
Praveena had taken refuge on the couch after a heavy lunch and she felt her eyes drooping when all of a sudden, her phone rang, chasing the drowsiness away. Stifling a wide yawn, she saw that it was Anil.
“Hey!” Praveena exclaimed, delighted as she answered the call. “How are you?”
“I’m good, what about you?” Anil responded with equal delight. Praveena smiled widely. She had missed the long conversations. Hearing Anil’s voice boosted her mind.
“Hmm, I’m I’m good too” she replied. “So? To what do I owe this pleasure?” she mocked.
Anil laughed. It was a deep and spontaneous laugh. It made Praveena smile. When he spoke, she could feel the joy in his voice, “nothing, just felt like talking to you.”
“So, what up with Bangalore?” Praveena sat up on the couch and placed her book on the table next to her. She didn’t feel sleepy anymore. “how’s MBA?” she asked.
“It’s alright. When has studying ever been fun?” he added with a chuckle.
“Yeah,” Praveena suddenly remembering her college life.
“So,” Anil said, “what are you up to? What’s your plan?”
That’s when Praveena realized she had done nothing since she had got back. She had been too busy becoming aware of the things around her. She told him that, along with the previous day’s events. She told him about her understanding and her conversations with Ms Marrie.
It was easier to talk to Anil now. The invisible barrier between herself and the others had somehow evaporated.
Anil didn’t say much. He listened to Praveena with evident delight and Praveena enjoyed having his rapt attention.
“Now,” she paused, “you tell me, how’s life in Bangalore?”
Anil related the story of his life. “Well, MBA’s draining most of life,” he laughed hollowly. “but it took me a while to realize that it wasn’t giving me much joy,” he paused for a breath. “so after some advice from my teacher, I joined as a volunteer in a non-profit organization.”
“Huh?” Praveena responded surprised.
Anil laughed. “You surprised?” he asked joyously.
“Ya-huh,” Praveena replied defensively. “So, tell me about this organization of yours.”
“It’s a non-profit organization; an alcoholic anonymous institution. Their primary mission is to help people recover from their drug addiction.”
“Oh…” trailed Praveena. She hadn’t expected that. She couldn’t speak for a while. Niveda’s thoughts overwhelmed her. There was an uneasy silence that widened, until Anil broke it.
“Hey, you there?” he asked knowingly.
“Yeah,” Praveena managed, “sorry, I – ”
“I know,” he said simply.
They spoke for another half hour in which Anil explained all the activities that happened in the meetings of the organization. They were mainly counseling sessions, Praveena learned. On some days they had priests, psychologists and doctors advise participants about the dangers of the habit. Some other days, they would call over “people like myself; survivors” said Anil. “Even people who have lost loved ones to drugs would come over and have a chat.” The main purpose of doing stuff like these, according to Anil, was to help addicts realize how much they matter to their families and to educate them about the physical and mental damage that drugs did to them.
Anil also told Praveena how he spoke about Niveda and that a lot of addicts had spoken to him afterward saying that they wanted his support. Anil said it almost ecstatically.
“That’s really good Anil,” Praveena said earnestly. “At least you’re doing something to change someone’s life.” she nodded to herself. If only Niveda could have gotten something like that, she thought bitterly.
“For the better,” Anil added.
“Ya. That’s right,” Praveena agreed.
Another short silence.
“Hey,” Praveena exclaimed.
“Hmm?”
“An organization! I want to be a part of something like that too. You think I can volunteer?” she asked, excited. She liked the idea of helping someone get rid of the terrible addiction.
“Hmm…” Anil hesitated, “I don’t know, Praveena” he sighed. “Why don’t you try volunteering for some other local institution there?”
That sounded sane to Praveena. She agreed, but she was more interested to do this a as team. She wanted to work alongside Anil.
“Why don’t we start on organization ourselves?” she almost jumped with excitement.
“Huh?” Anil was taken aback. He hadn’t expected Praveena to think like this.
“What do you say?” Praveena pressed him, “you, me, and a few others. I can gather people. What, you’re in?”
“Hey, wait.” Anil replied quite reluctantly, “this isn’t simple, you know that?”
“Yeah, of course.” Praveena said in haste, “but I’m sure we can pull it off.” She was keen to do something.
Anil thought. “hmm, maybe – ” Praveena waited with bated breath. She didn’t understand why she was so interested to get this running, but she had an impulse that it would be a great idea. It was bound to improve a lot of lives. It suddenly struck her; this is what she wanted to do. There was something inside her that pushed her to do this.
“Alright, Praveena. If you’re so sure – then do it. I’ll do everything I can to stay with you.” He said the last part a little extra cheerfully.
“Wonderful!” Praveena exclaimed. She had almost forgot Kamal was asleep in the next room. “Let’s do this!” she vowed, and heard a laughter of agreement from Anil.
Praveena felt sleepy no more. She brimmed with energy — energy that came from the thought of building their own support group. The helplessness she had felt during Niveda’s recovery acted like a stimulant within her, driving her and providing her with all the enthusiasm she needed.
That night, Praveena made plans. She didn’t want to discuss her ideas with her father until she had it all mapped out. She sat cross legged on her bed and thought about it. It seemed like a good idea, except for the problems that it involved. While speaking with Anil, she had thought only of the effect a help group would have. Now though, when she considered the smaller aspects of starting a group, she began to have questions. Her inner voices conflicted.
‘Where would she set it up?’ – ‘Home.’
‘Home? Really?’ — ‘ Ok, the garage then.’
‘Who would be the initial members?’ – ‘Anil and Ms Marrie.’ Yes, she thought, Ms Marrie would agree for sure. She was interested in these kinds of things. That was settled then.
Next, ‘where would you get the money?’ – ‘ personal savings’. Praveena doubted that. But at least, she thought, her savings would be enough for initial investment.
‘How would they spread the word?’ – ‘Internet – duh!’
‘What do we do in the organization?’ – ‘conduct meetings and discussions,’ like Anil had said, she nodded to herself.
‘Just meetings would be boring’ – ‘we’ll come up with something else later.’
‘Is this a good idea at all?’ – ‘I think I’m sleepy.’
Praveena lay back, she’d deal with her doubts later; now, she needed the rest.