Category: Thoughts uncut

The past is now

Last year I spent a month in the US for work. And though I did work, I also had the chance to explore the city of San Francisco. I made so many wonderful memories and pictures walking those streets. Each of which I cherish to this day and will forever. Every photo has a separate story—what I was thinking at the time, how I felt, where I planned to go next…

One of such memories is walking down Haight Ashbury. It was a glorious fusion of the modern world and the retro world that always brings a smile on my face. It’s one of my all-time favourites.

Haight Ashbury

On leadership

There’re many things that make a good leader.

Willingness to help, a genuine interest in empowering their fellowship, a sincere involvement in causes they’re associated with… I could go on.

But, first, let’s talk about courage. Because that’s where it all starts.

What does it mean to be courageous leader?

The more I think about it, the more I realise that there are many types of courage. The physical courage to handle a team of rowdy millennials, the mental stamina to stand up to displeased contemporaries, and then the whole new realm of tackling business scenarios and making decisions. Every choice a leader makes on behalf of their team and business requires immense courage and ceaseless strength.

No wonder we have so many bad leaders. It’s not easy. Although most people I’ve seen crave for leadership roles in an organisation, I don’t think they know the implications that come along.

A leader exudes intense responsibility. Failing in that respect diminishes their credibility and deems them forever as an unsuccessful person. Besides, younger team members expect to learn from whoever’s in the leadership role. When that person lacks the courage—or backbone—to guide from example, they’re useless. When a leader places their own interest over the interest of those around them, they become an agent of foolishness.

That said, leaders face countless threats from all sides. And to deal with all that, they need to have their heart in the right place. Being able to empathise with their team members, share a genuine joke, and being open for discussion are important signals that a leader sends to their team. No two leaders will face the same struggles, and there aren’t stencilled ways to solve them.

Encouraging the team to share constructive criticism, listening to their opinions, assessing situations from multiple perspectives, and having a strong conviction about their decisions—all make for a great leader. The courage (driven by necessity) to shed their ego, to seek solutions to problems without losing their innate uniqueness—now that’s the kind of leader I want to work with (and then one day be).

Thanks for the muse, Tom Reid and the #ImpactMatters Twitter chat (Mondays at 7 pm Eastern Time).

Remember, remember

It don’t have to be the fifth of November.

Life is so full of events and people that make those moments worthwhile. Living in those moments, we make memories we cherish forever.

But we don’t always remember everything as it is. We forget quite a lot too.

Memory bias is real. That’s the problem. We choose what we want to remember, and sometimes we choose to forget uncomfortable incidents or people we don’t want to encounter again. We may forget the favour of a friend, the sacrifice of a parent, the persistence of a teacher—all just because our priorities shift.

And sometimes, our memories are no longer the same. We think we’re happy today, but when looking back at today’s memory years later, we may realise something more profound about this moment. Who’s to say, we may even feel then that the happiness of today was pretence—a result of societal pressure. Everyone has their own stories, their own perspectives. What is a good or bad memory depends on who we are at the moment. After all, as the years go by, as we mature, even memories (and memories of those memories) fade away.

And that’s why we shouldn’t rely too much on memories. Although there’s so much we can learn from remembering the past, it’s also so easy to overdo it. It doesn’t do to dwell in the past and forget to live in the present. And sometimes, we do just that. We let precious memories of days gone by cloud our judgement and hinder our progress.

It’s like the trivial selfie culture. People obsess over photographing places and things, so much so that they’re no longer in the moment. Our intense desire to memorialise an incident, drives us away from internalising the memory itself.

In the same way, we obsess with the good old days that we fail to realise that better days will come. And therein lies the inertia of making new memories, of trying new things. We worry so much about living up to the past that we forget to live in the present, fearing that the future wouldn’t be as good as the past.

Let’s be thankful for the past, remember it with gratitude, and use it to shape ourselves a better future. The past isn’t a curse we should cling to. It’s, instead, a lesson that we should live through, learn, and pass on.

Thanks for today’s muse, Kumud and #SpiritChat.

All in good time

When I heard the daily prompt, awkward, a few days ago, the first thing that popped into my head is that awkwardness is inexperience. And the more I dwelt on it, the more I related to it.

I relived my first few weeks at work. I was young, teetering at the last teen age. I knew big things awaited me, but I feared deep of unknown promises of the future. I wasn’t sure I was ready to take whatever the world would giveth. I met a lot of people—and having grown up in a modest town with limited exposure to the outside world, accepting a job in Chennai, a metropolitan city of 4 million, was a little more than overwhelming. I withdrew within myself, using my inherent introversion to stay away from conversations or introductions.

Soon I’d created a reputation for myself as the one who’d cling to the seat, unspeaking, involuntary to contribute opinions. I never spoke in meetings, sulking instead, in a corner, with my arms crossed, listening to the seniors as well as the more extroverted juniors speak their mind. Later, alone in my room, I’d reason I didn’t have an opinion to share.

Today, five years later, there’s drastic difference in me. Not only am I more outspoken of my opinions and observations, but I’m also more confident in meeting people. I’m comfortable interacting with my team members, listening to their arguments, refuting when necessary, and putting forth my arguments in sequence. (Although I still need practice on come back statements and spontaneous debates,) I see the huge progress I’ve made over the years. And when I greet a new comer in the team, my feet no longer feel too large and my tongue doesn’t twist inside my mouth. Instead of shuffling my feet in discomfort, I feel empowered. My handshakes are stronger and my face relaxes into a easy-going smile. I’ve felt myself changing from the scared person I used to be.

And this made me wonder: Have I become an extrovert all of a sudden?

I haven’t. I’m still the same introvert who needs downtime, who prefers solitude over company, who’s happy dining alone.

In fact, I realised, we often misunderstand awkwardness as introversion. An inexperienced person may feel awkward in many situations, but that doesn’t make them an introvert. Funny how we name personality traits even before we know better.

We are who’s around us

Look around. There’s immense strength and courage everywhere. A tiny stem that bears flowering petals, a fragile cocoon that encases a butterfly, a slender deer that bounds about the forest, navigating barks and branches in search of kith and kin… determination is ubiquitous.

Humans are the same. Although ego and hatred thrive amidst our society, there’s also love, kindness, and incredible willingness to help each other out. I was at my ancestral village a few days ago. My parents were moving there from the city and I was visiting to help shift. The entire village showed up to help us set up our house, organise our things, and to show us around. They shared more than their meals with us—they narrated stories of years gone by, explained ways of their current lifestyle, dropped a few tips to survive a boring summer afternoon, and even showed us their favourite walking routes.

In return, all they expected from us was a genuine smile and amiable companionship. They wanted nothing more than good neighbours. Their sincerity, as electricity, surged through me. I felt intense affection towards the villagers, and I knew then that I’d behave the same towards them. 

That’s when I realised that their kindness in helping strangers and resilience during trying times carried over to me, strengthening me and motivating me from within.

And like the crack of morn, it dawned on me: I draw motivation and courage from those who surround me. My choice of company can keep me going or allow me to give up hope and mope. It’s my choice.

Like a mutual relationship, we all exchange goodness with each other. One creature’s success motivates another, and one creature’s ability to face challenges carries over to another. We all hold such great power over each other. 

In a way, our entire world is an interconnected web of shared fortitude.