Category: Thoughts uncut

Agent of change

Change is undeniable. Whether it’s immediate, intermittent, or ironic, everyday things are changing every day.

Whether it’s adopting a new route to work, embracing a fresh lifestyle choice, or committing ourselves to a new opportunity, change brings consequences. While some of these changes are self-made and voluntary, some are sudden and downright surprising.

Regardless of how these changes come about, they’re transformational without doubt. They delve deep within us, affecting our inner being, stirring our spirit, and enabling us to showcase our best self.

Transformation is a symbol of new expectations. It brings along hope and a mind ready to take on new challenges. We become more self-reliant, confident, and excited at the prospect of a positive development.

That said, however, transformation can be scary too. Change is uncertain. And when we face such situations, inertia often engulfs us. We hesitate, ponder, and wonder if we are indeed in the right path. It may take some time, but we’ll recognise the goodness in change. Its unfamiliarity may take some getting used to, but once we do, it’s a smooth sail—making it favourable.

That’s why it often helps to change in manageable chunks. Bit by bit—or as Anne Lamott says bird by bird—we can make it a bigger, sustainable change. It’s like climbing a mountain—when we take one step a time, we’re more focussed and the task seems less overwhelming and daunting.

There’s no such thing as a bad transformation. In the long run, changes either alter our lives for the better or leave us with lessons. When nature throws an unwelcome change at us, when we’re least prepared, we feel scared. We wish we’d had some warning, a step-by-step approach so we would’ve got used to it. But life doesn’t always work the way we want. When it forces change upon us, we adapt and learn to live with it. It’s often not obvious, but as humans we are capable of stepping into a current flowing on the opposite direction and learn to swim with it.

Whether we choose it or nature chooses it for us, change affects everyone around us, too. Family, friends, acquaintances, neighbours, and even the prying, annoying, cousins once or twice removed. No matter what anyone says, though, our transformation is ours. If we can accept that, we can also help others accept and understand us. Some may decide to join us, but many won’t. Regardless, resisting change is unwise. Just as we want others to accept our changes, we should accept others’ change as well. By being compassionate and empathetic to others, we become a more evolved and mature human being.

Street smarts

I often vent (offline) about living in a pedestrian-hating city. I think it’s horrible. Some of the roads are full of potholes, mud puddles, slippery plastic bags mingled with garbage, and are just plain un-walkable. Then there’re vehicles and senseless drivers who almost brush against you when you walk. Oh, and on an average day, you’d hear at least fifty different honking frequencies over the course of a five-minute walk.

It’s horrible. That’s why few people walk and advocate for walking as a way of commute. Apart from the mental and the noise pollution, you’d also have air pollution and nostril violation.

As you can see, I love ranting about the street conditions in my area.

A couple of days ago, however, I saw something that put a different perspective in light. A group of women walked with absolute disregard for the vehicles whizzing by them. As a regular walker myself, I make sure I don’t get in the motorists’ way, even by accident. I’d walk on uneven rocks on the side of the road just to avoid the speeding drivers.

These women, though, cared not one bit. They waved their arms in the air talking while they waited to cross the busy highway (freeway) on which trucks cruise every day. Though obvious, they were distracting the driver sending all kinds of mixed signals. Drivers can’t brake at whim, and when someone puts their hand out, it seems to them as if that pedestrian would jump onto the moving vehicle.

I learnt this during my front-seat rides while my brother drove. He’d often swear at pedestrians who run into the street without warning. Though they’re often confident that they can cross the street without getting hit, it always scares the person behind the wheel.

When I saw the women do the same, I wondered how wrong I am to blame only the motorists. We pedestrians aren’t any better.

We need more stringent road rules and decent infrastructure.

Side note and moment of epiphany: From complaining about the masses I’ve begun complain about the authority. How mature of me.

P.S: I describe my observations of the city I live in. I’m aware that it isn’t the same everywhere else. I’ve walked through so many streets in California dropping my jaw at the street sense there. (Portland, I’m looking at you.)

Situations

Rushing emotion threatened to betray her resolution.

He hadn’t noticed. She’d been around, though, lurking behind the water cooler, perched at her desk, throwing side glances each time he paused for a drink or walked by to the men’s room.

She’d pined to talk to him, to express her desires and disappointments, to have him listen and agree. Yet a craven lass she was. Colleagues knew naught of the turmoil she waged within, and none cared enough to care either.

Bottling up all her impulses, she remained mute and desolated, unable to ask her boss for the vacation she deserved.

Recharging in solitude

I’m introverted, but for a long time I avoided declaring it in public because people consider it a negative trait.

The reason? My introversion makes me crave solitude. And that’s not something our society encourages. We live in a world that loves sociableness, motivates loud energy, and appreciates extroversion. In such a world, I found it hard to be alone without attracting misconceptions and raised eyebrows.

A lot of people see solitude as sadness. While I prefer and choose to dine alone, my acquaintances consider it their duty to keep me company. Not because they want to share a conversation, but because it makes them uncomfortable to see someone sitting by themselves, unperturbed by the rest of the world. To that extent, some people equate solitude to unnaturalness.

Solitude, on the contrary, is a gift. I see it as a well-deserved gift I give myself so that I can recover from all the unpleasant things I face each day. It’s my choice to spend time alone with my thoughts. It doesn’t make me lonesome, for no external force drives me to be alone. The desire to recuperate stems from self-motivation. And that’s what makes me set aside a specific time each day for myself. It doesn’t matter if I’m productive or not during that time. What matters is that I focus on my soul and mental health, prioritising my well-being over all others.

When I’m alone, I hear myself better. I drown the noise from the rest of the world and focus on my inner voice. It tells me what I need to know, and guides me in the right path.

Spending time with myself lets me love myself more—because I become comfortable in my own skin, in my own presence, learning to appreciate my successes and failures.

And that’s why we should all give ourselves a chance. We learn more from our reflections than we often realise.

Hey, universe… A little help?

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

Does it, though?

When I read The Alchemist years ago, this particular quote stood out to me more than any other. It wasn’t just me, everyone spoke about Paulo Coelho’s declaration that the universe accommodates the dreamer. It was aspirational, and it led me to believe in myself a little more than I did before.

That was years ago.

As I grew up and dreamt of bigger and more worthy goals, I realised that the universe was far from helping me. It started to seem as if the universe was going out of its way to prevent me from reaching my heart’s desire. Every task turned sour. Every day, and every want became painful to swallow. I started channelling my anger and frustration at Coelho for stuffing my head with false promises when none of his claims worked for me. Not that I failed in all of my endeavours, but the process of achieving them often seemed like sheer luck or extensive effort. None of my successes came easy, and by the time I completed a tiny goal I was too tired even to celebrate. And for that I pitied myself and hated everyone else. Jealously crept through me as my colleagues and acquaintances succeeded without expending even half of my efforts. It infuriated me that they had life the easy way when I—who craved for it more than they did—struggled to stay afloat.

It was unfair.

Here I am stringing bits and pieces to capture the bigger picture while the undeserving got all the opportunity I should have.

I’m ashamed now, But I was so jealous then.

I still believe in Paulo Coelho’s aspirational words, but instead of trusting them in a blind way, I take them with a grain of salt.

I’ve realised that sometimes the universe tests us, torments us, and taunts us to see how much we want what we want. Sure, some people might not face challenges, but it’s the challenges and the way we meet them that determine how deserving we are. More often than not, we give up even before we face those challenges.

I’ve wanted to give up so many times—I’d considered all the negativity as a sign for me to stop trying. As if all the hurdles in the path towards my goal are omens telling me I shouldn’t pursue my goals.

And I think that’s where most of us fall behind. We get so close to achieving our goals, after striving for years, and as we encounter one more step back, we decide to step back altogether.

But if we hang on, persevere despite all the world telling us not to, the universe just might turn in our favour. It won’t happen in an instant, and it may not happen for a long time, but some time the horizon will come.