Cry, my dearest

Cry now little one, cry now
for lifeโ€™ll only get harder
the rain will ruin your dress
and the wind will mess your hair
play dates will uninvite you
vacations will be cancelled
your dolls will lose their hair
toy cars will shed their wheels
classmates will turn out bullies
and alleyways become scary
your exams will be challenging
and bitterness will rein aloud
prom night will be disappointing
embarrassment overshadowing
friends will no longer be true
and reality will seem so unreal
breakups will bring in tears
but ice cream will rectify fears
wellโ€”for a while, at least,
youโ€™ll leave high school with a high
and soon realise โ€™twas all a heist
when open arms welcome you
into the world youโ€™ll go, bravely
before you see how youโ€™re stupid
ignorance, youโ€™ll understand is bliss
when you donโ€™t count empty beer cans
youโ€™ll drive home every day, insane
damn office politics casting you down
and youโ€™ll throw open your door
facing the bundle you left homeโ€”
that bundle of laundry pending
and the bundle of dishes still dirty
bundle in the corner overflowing with trash
while the biggest bundleโ€™s on the couch
the smallest on the cot by your bed
why, welcome home, dear mom,
come hither itโ€™ll wail your ear off
then, my dear, youโ€™ll have no tears
so cry now, little one, cry now

From the sidelines

Richard watched as Miles emerged from the shower rooms. Dripping in cold water, he shivered ever so slightly as he stepped on to the waterโ€™s edge and dipped his toes in the pool.

It was a warm day. It was his first big race.

Richard had observed him long enough to know that though a little thinner for his age, Miles had enough muscle strength to power through with powerful stokes. His height was only an added advantage.

Miles was now talking to his coach, signing intently to advice. Richard flinched at the sight of the coach. He hated every bit of alpha-ness that that emitted from him. He was a bad influence on Miles, Richard thought. But he had no right to say anything. After all, when it came to swimming, he was a mere spectator.

And thatโ€™s what he did for the next fifteen minutes. As the swimmers took their lanes, Richard was on the sidelines, unknown to the rest of the world, his eyes focussed on Milesโ€™ flexed arms and ready-to-pounce feet. When the whistle blew, he took a sharp breath almost hurting his nostrils. It had begun.

The next few minutes were a blur. Richard heard yells of sadness mangled with cries of jubilation. People had crowded in front of him, blocking his view of the pool. The announcer overhead managed to make his voice louder than the rest of the din. โ€œAnd itโ€™s Miles who takes home the first place!โ€

Richard had never loved anyone more. Or been prouder.

The crowd suddenly split to let through a dripping athlete. Miles knelt down so he was level with his fatherโ€™s wheelchair.

โ€œThanks, Dad,โ€ and he hugged the once-Olympic swimmer.

Backpacker in Bondi

“Is Bondi Beach worth visiting?”

โ€œNot if youโ€™re not a surfer or a couple.โ€

So, yes.

I was in Sydney for work, and stayed in the central business district. Bondi was a good 50 minutes away by public transport. It was my last day in the city and I had a flight back home at 5 pm.

Piece of cake, youโ€™d think. True. If you take an Uber, spend about an hour lounging in the beach, and take a cab back.

But whatโ€™s the fun in that?

The real fun lies in taking the train halfway, walking crazy distances, gaping at the ocean waves crash against the rocks, and resting on a cliff just for the thrill of it. The real fun is in hunting great food hidden in the nooks of intersections, wolfing down a pie uncaring about appearing a barbarianโ€”and buying more pie to go. The real fun in travelling, is cherishing every moment of it.

And thatโ€™s exactly what I did.

When I left my hotel at 9 am, it was foggy. It was about 15 degrees Celsius, but towering buildings were shrouded in a mist unlike any I’d seen in Canberra. Not at that hour, at least.

Bondi junction on a foggy morning

But the best thing about living in Canberra is that my body has adapted to cold. I was the only person walking around jacket less (or in a light jacket at times), and appearing like a complete jackass to the locals. I didnโ€™t care, though.

When I exited the train at Bondi junction, I knew I had a long way still to go. Buses run from the junction all the way to the beach. I stood in the queue for about three minutes before realising Iโ€™d rather hike all the way. It was only a 30-minute walk, after all. I love when my mind makes spontaneous choices like that. Bonusโ€”because I left the station, I got hot chocolate to go with my walk. Sweet.

And so I walked sipping my drink. Whatโ€™s better than having smooth, extra dark hot chocolate for breakfast? The beach only made my day better.

Bondi Beach

When I arrived at last, the mist still hung around. So were enthusiastic surfers and beach goers. Everywhere I turned, eager tourists captured photographic memories while kids in shorts ran amok into the water. Volleyballers spiked at each other and laughter echoed with the waves.

My heart soared. The last time I was at a beach was during a brief, half-day, team trip with my colleagues, and I donโ€™t even recall the time before that. Iโ€™d forgotten how much I enjoyed watching the sea spray at my face. Then I turned around to the walkway along the coastโ€”the next thirty-minutes featured sensational views, active runners, dog wakers, couples, sightseers, and me.

Itโ€™s amazing how much energy you have when you enjoy what you do. I walked about 15 kilometres that day and I although my feet killed me two days later, I didnโ€™t feel a thing while I scaled the Bondi path. Excitement and expectation masked pain and hunger. It wasnโ€™t the first time, and it wonโ€™t be the last.

From the beach, I walked over to a famous pie shop. Funky Pies is renowned for making (and distributing across Australia!) delicious vegan pies for unreasonably reasonable prices. I had to stuff my face. And so I did.

Funky Pies

But not before I spent a good ten minutes deciding which pie to order. The variety is insane. When I did order, it arrived at my table steaming with peas and gravy on the side. I skipped the mash. Not long after I started eating, I knew I couldโ€™t stop with one. So I got one to go as well. Itโ€™s an understatement to say it was good.

When I finished, it was just past midday. Though the airport was a long way off, I ended up walking all the way back to the junction to get on the train from there.

Sydney has pretty good footpaths. Yes, itโ€™s annoying to wait for the signals to turn green because they take much longer than they do in Canberraโ€”thanks to the sheer amount of vehicles on the streets. Despite that though, walking was fun. It was nice to look around at the various little stores selling thousands of trinkets Iโ€™d never splurge on. Row after row were sign boards advertising cuisines from all over the world, broadcasting the incredible number of cultures that reside in Sydney.

Youโ€™ll never experience all of that on an Uber. Or a private vehicle. Youโ€™ll never enjoy a cityโ€™s true nature when youโ€™re busy trotting along in groups, chatting away in mindless abandon. The only way to understand a city, a locality, to feel its pulse, is to take it by foot.

Eternal fear

โ€œBut why canโ€™t I, Dad?โ€

James stared into the imploring eyes of his ten-year-old. Those blue piercing eyes heโ€™d inherited from Lisa.

James hardened his look, โ€œBecause your motherโ€™s afraid for you.โ€

โ€œButโ€”โ€

James took a step closer and his son stopped protesting immediately, shoving his hands behind his back where James knew he was twisting his fingersโ€”an anxiety coping mechanism James had instilled in him. โ€œThis conversation is over, young man. Now go to your room, and Iโ€™ll call you when itโ€™s time for dinner.โ€

Rick looked so small and sad walking away with his head hanging low. But James stood stern until his son had left the room.

โ€˜But why?โ€™ Rickโ€™s unfinished sentence hung over his head like a knife about to drop.

He wanted to know the answer himself. They still had a few good years before they had to worry about Rick being peer pressured into alcohol or cigarettes. Why wouldnโ€™t his mother let him be be a normal kid and play with the others after school?

โ€œJust the thought of it makes me uneasy, James,โ€ sheโ€™d told him when he wondered aloud. Thrusting the empty plates in the sink, sheโ€™d turned to him before he could reply. โ€œLetโ€™s not talk about this anymore, ok?โ€ And sheโ€™d opened the recently-closed bottle and poured herself another glass of wine.

But, honey. If we block out all his chances of making friends, heโ€™ll never learn to socialise.

James wasnโ€™t brave enough to voice his thoughts. Not when she was almost drowning her third drink.

Lisa wasnโ€™t an alcoholic. But ever since theyโ€™d moved out here, sheโ€™d been growing increasingly insecure. She wouldnโ€™t speak to the neighbours, even though theyโ€™d made countless efforts to be inclusive. At least she still had work to look forward to, James had assured himself. The only good thing about his sudden transfer was that Lisaโ€™s company had a local branch as well.


โ€œA black boy was running around with a gunโ€”inside a school! I just saw in the news.โ€

Lisa took a deep breath trying to calm herself. She didnโ€™t need her mother to remind her what sheโ€™d already seen and heard three hours ago. She never missed news like this.

โ€œMom, weโ€™re in the Virgin Islands. That wonโ€™t happen here.โ€ Not when over 70 percent of the people were black.

โ€œBut, dear, I was so scared,โ€ trembled the voice from California. โ€œI know itโ€™s only for a year, and youโ€™ll be back home soon. But I canโ€™t sleep at night knowing what these people are capable of.โ€

โ€œMom. I gotta go. My boss is calling me right now. Talk later.โ€

Lisa hadnโ€™t slept well since theyโ€™d moved from Pasadena a month ago. She didnโ€™t need her mother blowing into an already raging fire.


โ€œHarding?โ€

โ€œYes,โ€ affirmed James.

โ€œThatโ€™s right,โ€ replied Lisa.

โ€œIโ€™m Estelle, the nurse at Markson Junior High. Thereโ€™s been a small incident, and weโ€™ve admitted your son at the Lifeline Childcare Hospital. Can you come right away, please?โ€

Lisa arrived panting and flustered, just as James was asking for directions. Estelle assured them all was well, and insisted they meet Dr. Peterson before seeing Rick. When they entered his room, the doctor was reading Agatha Christie.

A Marple mystery, classic. James would smile when he recalled the incident hours later.

Peterson offered them water and explained what had happened.

Two boys had gotten into a brawl in class and Rick had tried to intervene. In the action that followed, one small fist had shoved Rick and heโ€™d fallen against a desk, bruising his arms. The other kid had raised the alarm and insisted on bringing him to the hospital in case Rick had hurt his head.

He hadnโ€™t, the doctor assured the nervous couple.

Tears streamed down Lisaโ€™s eyes. James was shaking.

โ€œWas it a black kid?โ€ Lisa spurt out at the doctor harshly. โ€œThe one who pushed my son?โ€

โ€œLisaโ€”!โ€ James wrapped an arm around her, trying to pacify her, shocked at the outburst.

The doctor was shocked too. After all, he hadnโ€™t expected her to display such hatred. At least not when he was black himself.

But he remained calm. Retaliation made no sense in this case. Instead, he replied cooly, โ€œIn fact, no. The boy who saved your son is black, though.โ€

He picked up his book again. โ€œMake of that what you will.โ€ And continued reading.