Tag: office

Corporate Culture

My cousin rolled her eyes at me over her cup of cold coffee. When she lowered her glass, I saw she had developed a chocolate-cream-covered mustache.

I had just asked her how she liked her new job in the big city. In her first week, she had sent me about a hundred messages, all photos of her new workplace, the free meals, and unlimited candy, and the dorm rooms with their cozy bedspreads. The company even gave away free gadgets to employees.

Yet here she was three months later, the life drained from her eyes. I’d expected her to be more excited to talk about the new startup in the block.

She explained. And when corporate employees confess, it’s not pretty.

She got free food three times a day. And unlimited coffee, snacks, and chocolate (dark, too) anytime she wanted. And if she wanted to blow steam off, she could go next door to the playing area to shoot darts or pocket some carrom coins.

She spent over ten hours at work. She didn’t while away or go for tea breaks across the street. She could have anything she wanted from the pantry. And she could bring it back to her desk, working between bites.

She didn’t have a proper mentor either because most startups don’t believe in micromanagers and hierarchy. And with flexible office timings and unrestricted internet access, the only thing that stopped employees from watching porn all day was the creepy open-office setting. But no one felt bad about scrolling through Facebook because that was a part of a healthy productive day.

At first, she loved her job. With no boss to boss her around, it seemed like paradise. However, a few weeks later, she realised she was going nowhere. The company was doing alright; they had received foreign investments and decided to upgrade the playing area with a badminton court. But despite the fresh startup fever, work had become rather dry.

She thought about work while eating, she talked about work while playing, and worked while she travelled, too, (on the company’s free shuttle services) to and from work. Her colleagues stayed over at the office because they’d work all night, and the office beds seemed more comfortable than the one at home.

But they had the weekends off. So they could feel like they had a life. She knew she had none, though.

Just three months into a job, she wanted out. She couldn’t imagine giving up the benefits, but she knew she wasn’t growing where she was. However, if she made the move, her family wouldn’t understand and pressure her to go back in. She felt stuck, wishing they’d fire her.

As she paused to take another swig of coffee, I smiled at her. The lure of corporate culture. Fancy on the outside, finicky on the inside. I’ve seen a few of them myself.

A Good Morning

I woke up today to raindrops pattering on my window, an experience I hadn’t had since last June. Plastering a smile on my lips, I got up ready to get ready for work. And even as I brushed my teeth, the rain waned into a drizzle, and the drizzle then became an occasional droplet. Then, silence — all in a span of five minutes.

Finishing my daily chores, I peeked through the window again. An early bird chirped from its nestled castle in a tree nearby, the sole creature bold enough to break the silence. Sipping my cup of tea, I stared at my cup of tea: the sky lightened and the dark clouds of last night whitened.

I took a deep breath for it felt like a good day.

I left home and locked the door behind me, hoping for a productive day at work. And as I stepped out of the house, the sun peeked out from the horizon, braving the vagaries of the early morning’s slight storm, and sending a shot of warmth through me.

I flashed a smile at the soldier and headed out the street. A good day to take a walk.

On my way, I saw the age-old banyan tree swaying like a wise old woman nodding her white head at me, while a pale orange leaf disengaged itself from its kin to fall onto my path. And along with it, I got the scent of dug up earth and the sight of earthworms wiggling their way back into the soothing heat of the soil.

To cap my walk, came a gentle breeze blowing my already-messy hair into a disarray, and bringing in its wake, a single drop of rain.

Looking up, I saw the white clouds darkening again and the sun retreating. I could feel the breeze getting colder and damper. As that single droplet expanded into a mild drizzle, I stepped up my pace — I had just a few more feet to go.

The drizzle, however, had coated my glasses while I rushed into the shelter of my office. Walking into the towering glass structure, behind me, I heard the whizzing wind gushing through the gap in the door.

Worrying about the clothes I had put to dry on the terrace, I took the elevator up to the 12th floor, coming to a halt by the window. I looked down at the street. The roads were wet, but the drizzle had moved on. The wind had died down, and the sun seemed ready to show her face again.

Shaking my head, I turned around with my arms outstretched announcing to the floor at large, “Monsoon’s here, people.” Lucky for me, the place was deserted. I am the early bird at work.

Productive Mondays

Hello there, Kevin! Sorry, my headphones drowned you out. Good morning to you too.

Or, good afternoon more like. It’s almost 11.30. Yeah, I came in at my usual time, 8.30. Nope, it’s no big deal. You just don’t get drunk the previous night and you won’t be hungover in the morning. It’s that simple. I know, I know, you broke up with your girlfriend. Who told us? Well, you, of course. Remember, when you drunk-texted the whole team last night with your “my endless love” lyrics? I have to say, though, the boss called me up later asking me if you’d gone crazy or something.

But that’s ok. You were upset, it’s understandable. No no, you didn’t disturb us. It’s not like I had planned for a quiet dinner with a special friend or anything.

Anyway, I should get back to work, the boss would be furious if I don’t hand over that report today. Yes, catch you later.

Sigh.

Woah, Tracy you scared me! When did you come? I was just talking to Kevin about the mishap yesterday. Ah no, I wasn’t fumbling with my headphones because I saw you coming in through the corner of my eye. No, I was trying to finish a report. Need focus, you see.

Oh, your sister got engaged last night? Wonderful, thanks for the cake. Now if you’ll excuse me —

Hey Kevin. You again. What’s up? Oh, you came over for the cake, right. Er, no. I’m not getting married, Tracy’s sister is. Oh, well, I’m not thinking about marriage now. No, I’m not in a relationship either. I’d rather not talk about it, ok?

Oh, you think a little chit chat would be alright on a Monday morning? Well, if you won’t leave my place there’s not much I can do. Well, I could punch you. But you have a nice face, and I hate to bloody it. Oh, here she is. Hey Trace, Kevin likes your cake. So much so that he doesn’t want to leave.

—

Wow, that’s some deep conversation you’re having fellas. And don’t bother taking it elsewhere. I’m jobless anyway, and Kevin, I’m dying to know what happened between you and your girlfriend. Well, that report can wait, I guess. You know, Tracy’s always told me (she somehow gets through my headphones) you and your girlfriend weren’t at all a match. Notice her eyes pitying you? And then maybe notice mine too, because they’re hurling fireballs at you.

—

Ok guys, sorry to break you up. The boss just walked in gestured to me that and he wants a chat with you, Kevin. Maybe you should go, and see what he wants? Oh, don’t worry. It’ll be fine. And we’ll be right here when you get back, we want to hear more about your breakup.

Trace, I’m off to a meeting. No, not a team meeting, it’s — it’s an impromptu meeting. With a friend — from the 3rd floor — it’s personal, ok? Yeah, I’m taking my laptop too. Anyway, see you.

Corporate Learning

Hello, boss? I was wondering… do you have a minute, please?

Oh, I could pick your brain anytime? That’s wonderful. Thanks. Um, it’s just that I saw your email, and I didn’t understand something in it. Something about KT?

Er…no, boss. I’ve haven’t heard of that acronym in college. Not in my internships either. I’m sorry I didn’t know it was that important.

Yes, you’re right. I should’ve learnt it in college. That’s why I spent my college life stuck with teachers who wouldn’t even help me work out a project — to learn terms I could use at work four years later.

Yes, my teachers should’ve taught me what KT is. Oh, yes you’re right. It’s my fault that I didn’t care to ask.

I should’ve been more aggressive, yes. And progressive, yes. I’m sorry I’m a loser. I didn’t expect to deal with industry terms three days into my first job. And yes, a good mentor shouldn’t spoon feed me. They should let me learn stuff on my own. My bad. I should know what KT is. Thanks for helping me see that.

Yes, I will Google it. Thanks, boss. You’re the best advisor.

Kinesiology Tape… Kate Bush… Kensington Temple… This can’t be right.

Uh er, Jennifer? Can you help me? My boss sent me an email with a phrase: KT. You know what that means? Oh, I’m sorry, I had forgotten you’re new here too. Have you ever heard of this KT though before? No? Well, that’s ok. Thanks anyway.

Hello again, boss. I tried googling, like you suggested, but couldn’t find anything that seemed to fit.

Yes, yes, I’m a dumbass. I’m stupid because I can’t find something on the web, something I should’ve known coming right from college into corporate. I wonder, could you help me this once and tell me what it is? I swear I won’t come to you for help again.

Wait, what? You’re cancelling our session? We had a session? Our KT session? But I’m trying to figure out what that means!

Oh.

Yes, boss. Now that you mention it, it’s obvious. You’re right, it’s even on Wikipedia — at the bottom, though.

I am stupid not to know Knowledge Transfer. Thanks for teaching me that, boss.

Converse Impromptu

Hello there! Fancy seeing you at my desk. I thought your workplace was on the other side of the floor?

Oh, you’re chatting with my team, that’s nice. Getting a break from all the sales calls you’re dealing with? Well, you deserve it. After all, how many deals do we have now, five Yes, that’s a big improvement from last year’s four. It’s awesome, and no you’re not wasting our time at all. We’re happy to put our work on hold, this is important stuff, whatever we’re talking about.

Hey, no, that’s ok. Don’t bother getting up from my chair, I’ll just stand around for a while. Besides, I’ve been sitting all day at a horrible meeting. The boss just grabbed my throat about that report we should’ve sent. But that can wait. What were you saying, again? Oh, yes the league.

Huh? Sorry, I’m not bored. I’m just exhausted you see. But don’t let that get in the way of your conversation. It must be important if you must have it at my desk.

Oh, yes, he shouldn’t have shouted at the umpire like that. And I did see how the coach reacted. I would have been offended. But — er — you’re invading my space and I’m not punching you, so what do I know, huh?

That’s great, I mean, it was so cool when he lurched over and caught the ball. I didn’t think he would get it either. No, I didn’t nod off to sleep! I was awake, watching the game. Oh, that final moment, when he kissed the ground? Wow, yes, I agree, pure love for his nation. You’re right, that’s what we need, more sportsmen like him. Such a team player. He’s always focussed on the game, never wavering. You know, I’ve never seen him at after parties or hangouts either. I’ve heard he doesn’t do that stuff. Of course, we work at a tech company, and we’re not the same as him. But I’m saying, what a man!

Sorry, what, a movie tomorrow? But don’t you have a meeting with that foreign client? Oh, you sure someone else can handle it? I thought it was your responsibility. Well, anyway, I wish I could come, but I have plans. Plus, work doesn’t happen on its own, you know. Anything else you want to talk about?

Ah, ha, good places for beer! That’s a never-ending conversation. Except, I have to leave early and you taking over my workplace isn’t that great. But sure, it’s Wednesday. It’s not like it’s the most important day, huh?

You know what? I’m just going to take my laptop to the system admin. It’s been weird all week. I’ll see you around?

Never.