Tag: opinion

Street smarts

I often vent (offline) about living in a pedestrian-hating city. I think it’s horrible. Some of the roads are full of potholes, mud puddles, slippery plastic bags mingled with garbage, and are just plain un-walkable. Then there’re vehicles and senseless drivers who almost brush against you when you walk. Oh, and on an average day, you’d hear at least fifty different honking frequencies over the course of a five-minute walk.

It’s horrible. That’s why few people walk and advocate for walking as a way of commute. Apart from the mental and the noise pollution, you’d also have air pollution and nostril violation.

As you can see, I love ranting about the street conditions in my area.

A couple of days ago, however, I saw something that put a different perspective in light. A group of women walked with absolute disregard for the vehicles whizzing by them. As a regular walker myself, I make sure I don’t get in the motorists’ way, even by accident. I’d walk on uneven rocks on the side of the road just to avoid the speeding drivers.

These women, though, cared not one bit. They waved their arms in the air talking while they waited to cross the busy highway (freeway) on which trucks cruise every day. Though obvious, they were distracting the driver sending all kinds of mixed signals. Drivers can’t brake at whim, and when someone puts their hand out, it seems to them as if that pedestrian would jump onto the moving vehicle.

I learnt this during my front-seat rides while my brother drove. He’d often swear at pedestrians who run into the street without warning. Though they’re often confident that they can cross the street without getting hit, it always scares the person behind the wheel.

When I saw the women do the same, I wondered how wrong I am to blame only the motorists. We pedestrians aren’t any better.

We need more stringent road rules and decent infrastructure.

Side note and moment of epiphany: From complaining about the masses I’ve begun complain about the authority. How mature of me.

P.S: I describe my observations of the city I live in. I’m aware that it isn’t the same everywhere else. I’ve walked through so many streets in California dropping my jaw at the street sense there. (Portland, I’m looking at you.)

Recharging in solitude

I’m introverted, but for a long time I avoided declaring it in public because people consider it a negative trait.

The reason? My introversion makes me crave solitude. And that’s not something our society encourages. We live in a world that loves sociableness, motivates loud energy, and appreciates extroversion. In such a world, I found it hard to be alone without attracting misconceptions and raised eyebrows.

A lot of people see solitude as sadness. While I prefer and choose to dine alone, my acquaintances consider it their duty to keep me company. Not because they want to share a conversation, but because it makes them uncomfortable to see someone sitting by themselves, unperturbed by the rest of the world. To that extent, some people equate solitude to unnaturalness.

Solitude, on the contrary, is a gift. I see it as a well-deserved gift I give myself so that I can recover from all the unpleasant things I face each day. It’s my choice to spend time alone with my thoughts. It doesn’t make me lonesome, for no external force drives me to be alone. The desire to recuperate stems from self-motivation. And that’s what makes me set aside a specific time each day for myself. It doesn’t matter if I’m productive or not during that time. What matters is that I focus on my soul and mental health, prioritising my well-being over all others.

When I’m alone, I hear myself better. I drown the noise from the rest of the world and focus on my inner voice. It tells me what I need to know, and guides me in the right path.

Spending time with myself lets me love myself more—because I become comfortable in my own skin, in my own presence, learning to appreciate my successes and failures.

And that’s why we should all give ourselves a chance. We learn more from our reflections than we often realise.

Hey, universe… A little help?

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

Does it, though?

When I read The Alchemist years ago, this particular quote stood out to me more than any other. It wasn’t just me, everyone spoke about Paulo Coelho’s declaration that the universe accommodates the dreamer. It was aspirational, and it led me to believe in myself a little more than I did before.

That was years ago.

As I grew up and dreamt of bigger and more worthy goals, I realised that the universe was far from helping me. It started to seem as if the universe was going out of its way to prevent me from reaching my heart’s desire. Every task turned sour. Every day, and every want became painful to swallow. I started channelling my anger and frustration at Coelho for stuffing my head with false promises when none of his claims worked for me. Not that I failed in all of my endeavours, but the process of achieving them often seemed like sheer luck or extensive effort. None of my successes came easy, and by the time I completed a tiny goal I was too tired even to celebrate. And for that I pitied myself and hated everyone else. Jealously crept through me as my colleagues and acquaintances succeeded without expending even half of my efforts. It infuriated me that they had life the easy way when I—who craved for it more than they did—struggled to stay afloat.

It was unfair.

Here I am stringing bits and pieces to capture the bigger picture while the undeserving got all the opportunity I should have.

I’m ashamed now, But I was so jealous then.

I still believe in Paulo Coelho’s aspirational words, but instead of trusting them in a blind way, I take them with a grain of salt.

I’ve realised that sometimes the universe tests us, torments us, and taunts us to see how much we want what we want. Sure, some people might not face challenges, but it’s the challenges and the way we meet them that determine how deserving we are. More often than not, we give up even before we face those challenges.

I’ve wanted to give up so many times—I’d considered all the negativity as a sign for me to stop trying. As if all the hurdles in the path towards my goal are omens telling me I shouldn’t pursue my goals.

And I think that’s where most of us fall behind. We get so close to achieving our goals, after striving for years, and as we encounter one more step back, we decide to step back altogether.

But if we hang on, persevere despite all the world telling us not to, the universe just might turn in our favour. It won’t happen in an instant, and it may not happen for a long time, but some time the horizon will come.

People believe what they will

No two people believe in the same things. Whether it’s lifestyle, philosophy, religion, or others’ behaviour, we don’t all trust the same things. My father, for instance, is a huge believer in idol worship. He never begins an endeavour unless he’s got the blessing from the almighty—which involves visiting a temple and lighting a lamp as an offering, before seeking blessing.

I accompanied him once. I watched as he took solemn steps towards the high-perched, sword-wielding lords, a forlorn look in his eyes and devotion brimming in his heart. My father wasn’t trying to flatter the gods into doing what he wanted. I’ve seen a lot of people promising offers to the lord in exchange for their expectations. But my father wasn’t one of them. All he wanted was to inform the lords about his decision and to wish they’d guide him throughout his quest.

I’m not much of an idol worshipper. For me, it all seems meaningless. But the entire time I observed my father, I neither felt like belittling his faith or trying to sway him into my belief of how unstable worshipping a statue is. Instead, I remained in a state of bemusement, surprised at his resolve.

I didn’t laugh at my father’s practice. That’s in part because I was too scared to offend him, but more so because I had no right to mock his way of doing things. How he chose to live is up to him, and as long as it doesn’t hurt me, it doesn’t have to concern me either.

It later dawned on me that this is the understanding we lack as a society. Perhaps if it had been someone else in my father’s place, I would’ve scorned at them. Perhaps we are all a little like that—exhibiting the irresistible urge to make others agree with us. Displaying courage and the vanity to come out as the better person—the more sane person—we often come off as arrogant and assertive.

That’s why we are so divided. We can’t accept the diversity in us. That’s why we fight, brawl, and war. We should, instead, learn to respect the differences amongst us and live with them. That’s the only way forward to build an equitable society.

Humans are weird

We are incredible in talent, but also stupid and silly and incorrigible all the time.

Including me, of course.

As an individual, I have expectations. I want people to treat me a certain way, speak with respect, listen as I speak, acknowledge when I offer help, and recognise my work when it’s prudent.

It’s a natural tendency—expectations.

But what we often forget is that others expect the same things we expect of them. I’d get angry when someone overshadows my voice during a discussion. However, when I’m doing the talking, I fail to understand that I overshadow others myself.

We get frustrated when our supervisors don’t recognise our efforts, but when it comes to appreciating someone else for the support they’ve offered us, it seems to minuscule to even mention it.

We don’t see the efforts of others as much as we see our own. We overestimate our own importance while underestimating others’. As we shrug it off as unworthy of a mention or consideration, we come off as arrogant and unreasonable.

That’s the killer of relationships. We become condescending, faltering in our ability to notice others and appreciate their favours, devaluing them, and at last driving them away from our lives.

The way we sometimes treat our parents is a good example. Though aware of all their sacrifices, we still brush them away as if it’s their duty. It’s the same with colleagues. We work for the same employer, and each has their duties. Regardless, it’s essential to take a moment to appreciate those who go a step further to fulfil their duties even by making personal sacrifices.

Not only do they deserve it, but they also expect it. I know I would if it were me. After all, I’m human and I’m weird.