Tag: parenting

Chapter Twenty Nine: A Long Holiday

Praveena busied herself in her last couple of days packing up all of her possessions, and stuffing them into her old trunk. Her father called, telling her how much he longed to see her. He had a lot of plans to share with her when she came back.

Praveena was getting ready to leave Bangalore in a mix of joy and sorrow. She met her class mates for the last time and promised to keep in touch, quietly acknowledging the empty words. She and Anil had a final meeting in the valley facing the hostel buildings.

He sat waiting for her, a traveling bag by his side. As Praveena walked up to him, his flying hair reminded her of their first weekend in college, when she had first met him on the same valley. Smiling to herself, she sat next to him.

He had been staring at the other side when Praveena sat next to him, but sensing her, “It’s strange, isn’t it?” he said and turned to her with a smile. Seeing Praveena’s perplexity, he added, “that we meet, like this, just before going home?”

Praveena smiled, she could sense the sadness that emanated from him. She could feel it too. For a long time they said nothing. Praveena’s thought back of Niveda and the days they had spent, in this very campus, as “the trio.” She felt hot tears sliding down her cheeks, but made no effort to wipe them, leaving the chill morning breeze to take care of it. The wind ruffled her uncombed hair. Letting it wash over her, she wondered if she would ever have the chance to witness it again.

When it was time to say goodbye, Anil and Praveena stood facing each other. Anil reached out his hand, and Praveena shook it.

“Take care, Anil,” Praveena said, hit by reality all too soon. “Call me whenever you can,” she added.

Anil nodded, smiling. “You too.” he said. They walked together towards the gates. They were just about to part ways when a voice called out from behind.

“Anil! Praveena!”

They turned and saw James, a rucksack on his back, walking towards them with a spring in every step. “Hey,” he panted coming to a halt in front of them. “It was great knowing you guys,” he smiled wide. The duo returned the smile, “Thank you for being a wonderful teacher, Sir” Praveena said as Anil nodded his approval.

“I just played fair for my salary,” he shrugged waving the compliment away. “I just have one last advice for you,” The duo raised their eyebrows in unison at his sudden seriousness, “Enjoy life, you guys.” James said grinning and spreading his arms wide, “After three years here,” he pointed at the dingy college building, “you deserve it!” he winked.

Waving goodbye, he walked towards his motorcycle. With a loving pat on the seat of his gleaming black Bullet, he jumped onto it and rode away, his head held high and pumping his fist in the air.

They stood watching his figure fade as another lecturer, who had come up to them without their knowing it, shook his head, saying “Silly guy, quit his job!” The lecturer walked away, “See you at the convocation,” he patted Anil on the shoulder. Anil mirrored Praveena’s surprise. James quit? They wondered as they heard the final sounds of his motorcycle fade into the distance.

Kamal held Praveena in a long embrace. He didn’t care it was the railway station, he didn’t care loads of people watched them. He was glad to have his daughter back, and he showed it by giving her a warm welcome hug.

“How are you, Pa?”

“I’m good, good,” he waved his hand doing something of a gig. He seemed happy at her return, but Praveena knew there was something huge in his mind. He looked older, with more wrinkles on his face than Praveena remembered. His skin had begun to hang loose. He had lost almost all of his black hair; Praveena saw a lot of greys and even a bald patch forming. But he looked fit. Praveena assumed he still played football in the park with the kids in the neighbourhood.

Once they reached home, Kamal prepared Praveena’s favourite lunch while she bathed. Just the thought of being back home rejuvenated her.

After a heavy meal, Kamal and Praveena sat on the couch to watch television. Praveena realized she hadn’t spoken to her father as much as she had wanted to. She switched the television off. Kamal turned a curious eye at her. She smiled.

“Pa, say something.”

Kamal turned to face her. “Say something?” he repeated incredulous. “What do you want me to say?”

“Something,” Praveena shook her head shrugging. “Anything.”

“Well,” Kamal hesitated, “What do you want to do, now that you’re done with college?”

Praveena raised her eyebrows and told him she had had enough of college, and that she would wait for perhaps a couple of months until she decided what to do next.

“Alright…” Kamal trailed away, “Thing is,” he sighed, rubbing his hands together. Praveena grew impatient, but waited for her father to finish.

“Remember aunty Kameela?”

Praveena remembered her. She had spoken to her at Geetha’s funeral. “You mean the one who told me everything would be alright, and then asked my name?” She didn’t make much of an effort to hide the distaste she felt for her relatives, particularly those who showed up at her mother’s funeral just to display their social status. They had all come only because they hadn’t wanted society to bad-mouth them.

Kamal nodded, now a little uncomfortable.

“What about her?” Praveena  became harsh. She wondered if the aunt had died and he wanted her to accompany him to the funeral. She was ready to decline his request, when unexpectedly, he said, “she asked me if you’d marry her son — Prem.”

Praveena was shocked. She stood up, staring at her father. She hadn’t even thought of marriage yet, and yet, here was her father, asking her to marry some random guy whom she had never even met!

“Pa,” she tried to keep her voice low; she hated the idea of shouting at her father. “I don’t want to get married.”

Kamal looked stunned, open-mouthed, “Yet,” she added.

“I need some time, Pa,” she quietly said sitting down again. “to sort out the priorities in my life.”

Kamal said nothing for a while. Though he was mute, she saw he was thinking about something, but looked as if he didn’t want her to know.

“Alright then,” he shrugged at last. “It’s your life, you make your own choices. I’m with you.” He smiled and ruffled her hair.

Praveena looked at him in surprise as he switched on the television again.

Chapter Twenty Five: Another Loss

Praveena shook with grief as Anil sat next to her, her hand in his and tears in his eyes. They sat alone in James’s room, as James, the matron, and the other teachers took care of the police investigation proceedings.

It was shocking, Niveda’s smiling face kept flashing in Praveena’s mind. She had spoken countless of times to the police inspectors and teachers about the previous night’s incidents. Every time she spoke, or even thought of it, she felt sorrow seeping through her veins poisoning her from within. She couldn’t cry anymore. It was as if her tears had all evaporated even before they were spilled. The last time she had felt so sad was when her mother had died. She silently wept within.

Anil was in a state of shock too. He hadn’t expected Niveda to lose herself. He had thought she would come out successful. After all, he had done it. They remained in James’s room, and after a while and James entered with a knock. Neither of them winced. James took his seat facing them.

“Why did this happen, Praveena?” James sounded sorrowful. Praveena looked up at him, her eyes heavy. She sniffed. “I didn’t notice. Again,” she broke off, unable to continue.

“It’s not your fault,” Anil said in a low voice.

“She was a good girl,” James kept blinking trying to block the tears that threatened to lose control.

“I’ll never be the same again,” It was the second time in her life Praveena had felt that way, but it was her first time voicing it. She did, but Anil and James didn’t.

Praveena hardly got any sleep in the following weeks. She felt loneliness surrounding her. Every time she tried to close her eyes, Niveda’s final look came back to haunt her. Each day the police discovered leads about Niveda’s suicide. According to the autopsy report, there were large quantities of drugs in Niveda. James broke the news to Anil and Praveena.

“It looks like she was never really out of it,” he shook his head in disbelief. Anil wore a crestfallen look and Praveena was too shocked to even say anything. She just sat dumbfounded as if everything that happened around her made no sense at all.

She couldn’t understand what had gone wrong. She had made sure not to leave Niveda alone, what had made her inject herself again? Praveena didn’t know how she felt.

Niveda’s parents had come to school the day after she died. They seemed horrified at their daughter’s drug addiction, and her suicide.

They spoke to Praveena and Anil in private. Niveda’s parents blamed them for their daughter’s death. They said the couple of kids poisoned their daughter’s mind, got her addicted, and then killed her.

Praveena felt anger boiling up inside her. She tried hard to remain civilized, but couldn’t. She broke away from Anil’s clutches and walked up close to Niveda’s mother, who looked dressed up for a cocktail party, and pointed a menacing finger at her. “You,” she screamed, “you ruthless woman,” she breathed trying to stable herself, “you told Niveda to go to hell!” she shouted.

“You—you don’t deserve to be a mother.” She then turned to Niveda’s lean father who looked like a model for men’s suits, “and you don’t deserve to be a father either,” She made a spitting gesture at his feet and allowed herself to be taken away by Anil.

Niveda’s mother later reported to the police that she had been drunk when she spoke to Niveda and that was the reason for the exchange of harsh words. The text messages stood against her, but she escaped the cuffs, thanks to an expensive attorney.

When the college management heard of Niveda’s addiction, they were furious at Anil and Praveena. The principal himself spoke in favor of their expulsion.

Praveena didn’t even defend herself. She thought it better to go away from this wretched place, rather than stay in the same room thinking about Niveda every day. She had got special permission from the warden to stay in the same room alone. The warden hesitated at first, doubting that Praveena, in her sorrow, would follow in her friend’s footsteps. But at last she had given in to Praveena’s request.

James vouched for Anil and Praveena. He assured the management that they were not to blame.

“They knew of it, and didn’t report it! They spoiled the college name!” the principal had barked. James hadn’t flinched or reacted.

“It wasn’t their fault. You can’t do this.” James responded coldly. How could these people think only of the school’s reputation when a student had died in the campus? The duo didn’t know what else James had said, but they knew after that incident with James, the principal had avoided any encounter with him.

All around her, students recovered faster than she had expected. They remained sober for a couple of days, but then all of them got along with their own work. They threw pity looks at Praveena and Anil, which infuriated Praveena even more, but that was all they did. Praveena didn’t know what to expect from them either. They hadn’t known Niveda as much as her, but it was painful that Niveda had been secretive, even from her. She couldn’t get over it, and it affected her lessons.

Overcome with helplessness, Praveena started drawing. It happened in a whim, she hadn’t drawn anything much before, but every stroke she made on the paper helped her feel better. As the days went by, her drawings had more depth and meaning. Losing two of the closest people to her heart had changed her perception of life. She couldn’t believe she was the same girl who had been upset for someone who had given up on his passion—as if that was a part from another life.

Her drawings connected well to viewers, but she grew increasingly private. She hardly spoke to anyone except Anil. He too had problems of his own. It was as if Niveda had been the bridge that held the two poles together.

National Blog Posting Month – Day 28

Chapter Sixteen: A Curious Case

On Saturday, Praveena was sound asleep when something brutally shook her awake.

“Wha—?” she sat bolt upright, blinking away the sleep from her eyes. Her eyelids felt heavy, and she couldn’t open them. When she tried to, the underside of her eyes pained her.

Rubbing her eyes hastily, she stared at the scene in front of her.

Niveda was ransacking the place. Praveena watched in horror as Niveda upturned her books and trunks, looking for something.

Niveda turned to face her. She was ashen faced, her messy hair flying all about her. She stood there, lost and scary. She was sweating and a little shivering. Her eyes looking puffy and red as if she hadn’t slept all night.

“What are you looking for?” Praveena mumbled her voice coarse. She was sleepy; she hadn’t fallen asleep until after midnight. Even as she asked the question, she knew something was wrong. Niveda looked beyond recognizable. She seemed in to be in great distress.

“I lost my meds,” she breathed, her breath coming in gasps. She looked like she would suffocate. Praveena tried hard not to panic as she rushed out of bed looking all over for what, she didn’t know. She just looked for anything that might look like a brown paper medicine bag.

She looked around the unturned room: their trunks, the desk, their stack of text books, she even looked under the beds and the table.

Finding nothing, she stood in the centre of the room, hands on her hips. She heaved a sigh, and turned to look at Niveda. She was not in the room.

“Niveda?” she called out, wondering where she could have gone. Just then, Niveda stumbled out of the bathroom, shaking and her face dripping water.

“What happened?” Praveena was puzzled. Did Niveda have any illness she hadn’t told her of? She thought she’d put that question off until after Niveda was back to normal.

“Nothing.” Niveda swallowed hard many times before saying, “I’m dizzy, I’m going to sleep.” She stumbled again. Praveena held her steady and helped her get into bed. “Sorry I woke you,” Niveda apologised her voice faint. Before Praveena could respond, Niveda turned and fell into a deep sleep.

Praveena looked at the room and hit herself on the forehead. This was not the way she had imagined her first Saturday in Bangalore; cleaning a room she had managed to mess up so much.

She brushed her teeth, and set to work. That’s when she realized what a huge room they had been given. At first look, it had seemed modest.

It took her about an hour to set the place in order. She sighed heavily, and ignoring the rumbling in her stomach, went far a bath.

Niveda was still asleep when Praveena came back. She got ready and went outside leaving a note, in case Niveda woke up.

She went out of the hostel building to take a look at the sight of Bangalore from where they were. She saw the college building next to the two girls hostel buildings. On the other side of the college, was the boys hostel area of four buildings. The whole campus was spread out wide over acres of land, and as far as the eye could see, there was a thin sheen of grass, dotted here and there with a few trees. She had come out to call her father, but stood transfixed at the view. She stood there, experiencing the mild, cold breeze that played across her face. Her phone lay forgotten in her hand, while she drank the sight of dewy grasses and the songs of countless birds singing their own tunes. Somehow, even though the cries of the birds lacked rhythm and sync, they were full of passion and inexplicable peace that pierced Praveena’s veins. In a sudden urge, she pulled off the band that held her hair together. She laughed to herself as her hair danced with the wind.

“Nice, isn’t it?” a familiar voice called out from behind. She turned and saw Anil walking towards her, beaming bright in the mild, morning sun. Her smile widened when she noticed that his hair too waved in sync to the wind’s rhythm.

“So,” he said with his hands on his hips “any plans for the weekend? Where’s Niveda?” he added, looking around.

“She’s asleep,” and seeing the look on his face he quickly said, “she isn’t well.”

“Oh, what happened?” Praveena shrugged and told him of the eventful morning.

“OK. Shall we go out somewhere? How about sightseeing?” He suddenly became excited.

“I’m in,” Praveena replied brightly. “Let’s see if Niveda would join us.” she added as an afterthought.

“Sure, let’s go check in on her,” he said spiritedly, turning towards the hostels. Praveena held him back by tugging at his collar. “I’ll do that,” she reminded him with an understanding smile.

“You. Wait here.” saying so, she started walking back towards the hostel leaving Anil crestfallen.

When Praveena opened the door to their room, Niveda was sitting on her bed cross legged and looking quite relaxed. As Praveena entered, she smiled, holding the note she had left.

“How are you now?” Praveena asked sitting on her bed which was next to Niveda’s.

“Loads better!” Niveda smiled. Looking around the room, she said “You should’ve waited, we could’ve done this together.” she waved a hand around the room.

“That’s OK” Praveena said lightly. “You think you’re up for a day of sight seeing Bangalore?”

“You bet!” Niveda cried as she jumped out of bed, pumped up. While Niveda got ready, Praveena called Anil and told him to wait by the college entrance. She then called Kamal.

“Hi, Pa. How are you?”

“I’m good, Praveena. How’re you? How’s college?” He sounded happy to hear her voice. Praveena was the only remaining joy of his life.

“How’s the food, and the room? Did you settle in comfortably, or do you need anything from here? Your pillow?”

“All good, Pa.” she smiled into the mouthpiece. “It’s great here, we’ve planned to go out — just hang around.” She spoke to him for a while, exchanging stories. From what Praveena learned, Chennai was boring her father. As they exchanged goodbyes, her father gave her a bit of advice.

“Take care, Praveena. Stay safe.”

“I will Pa” she promised before disconnecting the line.

Niveda was still not ready. Praveena urged her to hurry up, and cursing the unreasonable roaming rates, dialed Ms Marrie’s number. She heard the same girlish recording she always heard, “The number you are trying to reach is currently not reachable. Please try again later.”

She swore silently as she caught up with Niveda, and together, they walked out of the hostel, towards the college entrance.

 

National Blog Posting Month – Day 18

Of Greatness

People talk so much about mothers and the sacrifices they make. For ages, people ignored their mothers and the sacrifices they made for their family.

But that’s changed now. Every mother’s day, people thank their mothers, speak so highly of their greatness and share photos on Facebook to show their gratitude to the rest of the world.

What about the other mothers?

She’s the one who starts work before you’re awake, sweeps your floors, cleans your bathrooms, refills your tissue rolls, clears away your empty cups, dusts your desk, rearranges your dishevelled papers, eats after you, and works on Sundays.

And yet, she’s not your mother.

She’s a maintenance staff. The people who make an office of a piece of construction.

So many of these maintenance staffs are mothers too. And it’s painful to see them working so hard for the people who don’t even spare a second look at them.

Most of them are my mother’s age. Every time I see one of them mopping the floor for the third time in a day, I wonder if I’d want my mother in the same situation.

I wouldn’t. Because it’s a sad job. Because people don’t see you for who you are; people don’t see you at all. And yet, not one of them walks past your place without taking away the cup you were too lazy to throw away. And if you happen to catch their eye, they smile at you — not the false smile you give your boss, but the one your mother gives you. What makes them do that?

I don’t think it’s passion for their work. A sense of conscience? Are they just loyal to their salary?

It’s not about the money. It was never about the money. Yes, it’s their job to clean, but it’s their choice to clean satisfactorily. Because they care. They care about you, they care for me.

It’s the human vulnerability. They look at me and they see their own daughter. The mother within drives them to do more, to do better.

I sat staring at the laptop one morning. It was the festival holidays and the office was almost empty. A maintenance staff came up and asked me why I didn’t go home for the festival holidays. We spoke for a while and she wondered aloud how hard it must be, living in a foreign city, away from family, not being able to go home for the holidays without getting crushed under poor roads and the terrible traffic of monsoon rains.

She works a 12-hour shift and her every break is valuable. She didn’t have to spend her time talking to me. But she did. She spent her free time consoling me. She didn’t know why I didn’t go home, she didn’t know I was too lazy to trudge through traffic.

She just assumed I couldn’t go, never once suspecting that I didn’t want to go. Because she’s a mother. And mothers don’t judge.

If that’s not great, what is?

Written for a contest run by Tata Motors to promote their campaign, #madeofgreat.

Chapter Eleven: Revelations

Nothing could have prepared Praveena for the days that followed. The funeral was held in their house. Geetha was in a glass box, set the living room where the couch used to sit. Seeing her mother laying there lifeless, Praveena painfully thought back to the conversations the two of them had had, sitting on the couch, sipping hot tea. Such a bad case of nostalgia overcame her that she couldn’t bear the thought of facing the ceremony.

She retreated to her room, as the house filled up with friends and relatives she didn’t know her mother had had. She had met none of them during these thirteen years of her life. But everyone seemed to know her. There was a group of old women who sat in a circle weeping and mourning. Looking at them, Praveena felt a sense of dread and hatred rise within her. ‘Who are these people, and why are they lamenting my mother?’ her anger flared, ‘Where were these people when she needed them most — when she was sick?’

Praveena looked at them with contempt as they all line up to pay their respects to a body they hadn’t bothered to call on when she lived. They, on the other hand, misunderstood her annoyance for sadness.

But Praveena was far from sad; she was mourning her mother more than anyone else ever would in a lifetime, but she was more worried at their pretense. They all seemed to care.

A middle aged woman had walked over to Praveena earlier. Showing all her betel-stained teeth, she had said, “Don’t you worry little girl. Everything’s going to be alright. What’s your name, again?”

Praveena thought she must have tried to console her, but she sounded far from it. They were nothing more than empty words. Praveena could say the woman was being civilized and well mannered; she meant non of her words, her false smile was too easy to see through. She was not the only one though, everyone showed they cared, in a way that proved they didn’t.

Parveena had had enough. She went to her room, locked herself inside and sat cross-legged on the bed. She wanted to cry but didn’t. A mix of emotions ran amok inside her head. She didn’t know what to feel. Her mother had gone, leaving Praveena and her father with civilized animals who lived to please others and worried only about their social status.

She shook her head in exasperation. “Why is everybody so bad?” she wondered a little too loud and angry.

‘That’s the nature of people, you’ll have to live with it’ It was her inner voice again.

“Stupid people, don’t you think?” Parveena questioned. She had gotten used to conversing with her inner voices. Alone now, she could speak aloud to herself without people thinking she had gone mad with grief.

‘Yes.’ It was so simple. People are stupid. They do stupid things for stupid reasons. It’s human. But people are also selfish and greedy and evil. That’s not human; that’s a choice. Somewhere along the way, people tend to give in to the temptation of greed.

‘Why though?’ Praveena wondered. ‘Why do people want more than they already have? Why aren’t people ever happy?’

It’s the kind of conversation she would have had with her mother. Now she’d have it with herself.

‘We are raised to believe that we are better than other creatures.’

Her inner voice had given her the answer. “True”, she agreed, we believe that we are better than other animals, and in the same way, we tend to believe that we are higher than other humans. We love to show our power over them, just to prove our belief. “How stupid of us.” She exclaimed in conclusion, shaking her head.

Suddenly, she felt like sharing this with someone. “Ma!” she called out without thinking.

Reality came crashing down on her head.

‘Ma is dead.’ — Inner voice again.

Praveena held her head in her hands, her excitement ebbing away. She lay back on her bed, eyes wide open and mind racing.

‘You look for answers outside, when you already have it within you. Look deep enough, and you’ll find it.’

Praveena silently agreed, staring at the swirling fan.

National Blog Posting Month – Day 12