Tag: parenting

Of innocence

A baby born the day before. A seasonal mango still unbitten. A young mind un-penetrated by the realities of life, a butterfly still in its cocoon, and a pre-teen living with their parents. A lot of nice and desirable things come to mind when we think about innocence. In many ways it’s an adorable trait even.

Nevertheless, when that innocence persists over time, it becomes an inconvenience. An adult who’s unaware of society’s structures, one who’s unaccustomed to facing impromptu situations, one who’s so innocent that they can’t even navigate the constructs of everyday life ends up a liability.

An unadulterated younger sibling at home might be fun, but when the same behaviour lingers at work, it holds everyone back. Think about this: an innocent child doesn’t know how to behave in certain circumstances. The same in an adult would mean that they’ve made no effort whatsoever to train themselves. Sure, laughing and joking around at an office party is fine, but not knowing why it’s inappropriate at a meeting with the board of directors isn’t charming. It’s inexcusable behaviour, and we can’t always shrug it off.

Such a person needs precise directions every time. They need someone to watch over them, tell them what to do and how, introduce them to people, spoon-feed guidelines, and hold their hand as they walk across the cubicle to talk to a senior team member.

That’s extreme innocence. It’s dependence. Not only is that annoying to others, but it also affects the individual’s growth. Unexposed to the actualities of life, they’ll live in their own little haven of imagination, believing only in what they want to believe, in a blissful manner, far too unassuming about how to get anything done.

It cripples them when they have to take up responsibility and prove themselves capable. If they’re unable to take on the challenge it affects their moral and mental health as well. They become the underdog, the weakling, the goat in a pack of wolves.

In a world that insists on independence, denying basic knowledge and exposure to a child places them at a disadvantage. It’s not how we should raise the future generation.

——

How do you interpret innocence? Good or bad?

The other mother

Why do we call her “mother” nature?

It’s more than personification. It’s a symbol. A mother—the one who births us—is a guide, a teacher for her child.

And nature, too is a guide, teaching our soul how to live. I used to think of nature only as a mother that bears us longer than a physical mother.

But there’s so much more likeness between mother and nature.

A mother is always there for her child, willing to listen and help without passing judgements. She’s patient and all-enduring, even the odd misbehaving child.

Nature bears with us despite every thing we do to her. We dump garbage on her, pump our waste on her hair, drill deep into her being searching for wealth, and yet, not once does she punish us for being as we are and doing what we do.

Sure, life isn’t always a walk in the park. Like my mom, nature has bad hair days, too. And sometimes the wind blows hard on our relationship, shaking pillars we’ve built over the years. Regardless, every catastrophe, every hard-to-face situation is a lesson for life. These incidents teach us to acknowledge and accept the bad things, just as we crave and cherish the good ones.

Looking back at the aftermath of those rough times, we can learn to amend our mistakes. For when we reflect from her perspective, we’ll see how much we’ve abused her selfless kindness. We’ll realise how we drove her into venting her frustration on us. Maybe we triggered a long-suppressed volcano of disappointment.

Just as we mature, so do our spiritual and physical mothers. We often forget that. Just as leaves, the hair changes, as seasons, the moods evolve, and then she becomes less intriguing to us.

Mothers don’t punish their children for bad behaviour, but even they have tipping points. And it often takes a breakout for her to get our attention—a reminder that we should spend more time with her. A reminder to call on her more often and listen to her. Because, once we’re grown up we forget how much we relied on our mother—how much we loved playing in the sand, dipping our toes in the river, and dancing in the rain.

A mother is an embodiment of everything we live for. We should preserve that relationship.

Let this mothers’ day be a happy nature day as well.

Thanks for this week’s muse, Kumud and #SpiritChat

On influence

Who we are depends on who we observe.

Most parents caution each other and their peers about how they should behave in front of children. They set stringent rules for themselves so they can prevent their children from adopting unhealthy practices.

Regardless of our safety measures to protect children, we often forget that, not unlike a toddler, we grown ups become influenced as well. 

We may not accept or even realise it most of the time, but we look at another person—a neighbour, a television artist, a writer—and be more like them.

That’s good in a way. When we look up to someone with purpose, knowing it will improve our life, becoming influenced in the best thing. Such influence can even spread peace and joy across the world. One person’s determination to help out during natural disasters and wars can turn into global philanthropic activities.

But when we don’t realise what we do and adopt certain behaviour for no apparent reason, influence turns bad. We lost sight of our common sense, following someone just because they are attractive.

That’s the root of most political and religious rebellions nowadays. We trust and advocate people, policies, and philosophies even though we don’t understand. We’re influenced by some famous artist campaigning for a cause they found. And since we like them as an artist, we tend to co-campaign without even evaluating it first.

In a society that turns a blind eye to these un-checked influences, no one questions a popular opinion or refutes an unclear decision. As a society, we become unruly and devoid of self-control. We neither think or reason, but serve as tools for others.

Cult groups of today thrive on such behaviour. A single spark influences so many people to rile up, evoking negative emotions in the name of goodness.

Our world isn’t a nice place. We have as many evils as we have goodness. It’s important that we prioritise our lives, understand what matters most to us, and learn to stand up for it. When we’re mindful, we strengthen our convictions. We’ll then know what kind of influence we want to attract.

That’s the sign of true maturity. We grow wiser and understand our purpose—and that our purpose changes with situation, age, interests, and responsibilities. That’s how we can choose who influence us. Without that clarity, we’d let anything and anyone manipulate us for their benefit.

The heart wants

The authentic French accent had impressed Melissa once. Even before she realised it, she’d fallen in love——with those slender locks bouncing off  her shoulders and coming to a rest by the hips, manicured finger nails reflecting the soft sunlight, and pruned eyelashes batting against lined, blue eyes.

Mellissa’s young heart yearned. ‘Out of your league,’ her mind piped.

She looked up at her father, who seemed to be searching someone. Mellissa, however, had eyes for none but the speaking French doll.

She sighed. It was too easy to guess her father’s response: “We can’t afford it now, my love.”