Making friends

Iโ€™ve always had trouble making friends. Possibly because I donโ€™t enjoy large crowds or loud conversations, but probably because I have trouble making friends.

For years in I had only one or two friends with whom I shared a lot and whose lives I was a permanent mark. It took me over ten years to two others who were as bespectacled and as touched in the head I.

Before I got used to it I changed schools. And the friend-making process started again.

It took me a year and a half to find the one person who was around for a while. But alas, it was only a two year course.

Life happened. She went to college (or university) while interned intending to study from home. In the five years since, I found two co-workers I call friends.

And now Iโ€™ve moved again. This time, itโ€™s across the seas. Down Under is my new found land.

But as is always the case with moving, I still had to make friends.

The older you get, though, the harder it becomes. Youโ€™re conscious of wet hair flying about, dry skin cracking in the wintery breeze, and the damned jet lag leaving you like a zombie every morning. Approaching people is daunting, your low voice could reveal your fear, and you never know if the old man returning your smile is being polite or responding to a whole different social cue.

So it was for me. I encountered folks walking in tank tops and shorts, running in speedos with dogs on their tail, and striding in suits and pointed shoes with a McDonald’s bag in their hands. Should I smile? Nod? Purse my lips and raise my eyebrows, ‘Sup?

I’d no idea. Oh, and sunglasses. I couldn’t guess if people were making eye contact or staring at the patch of autumnal trees over my head. Most times, they didn’t even see me. Being short doesnโ€™t help.

What did help, though, was volunteering. I found a co-operative shop and cafe in town. A small non-profit organisation with a massive potential and an ambition to match. Itโ€™s a great place to work too. I dropped by one day to check it out. And a few days later, I was in the kitchen peeling onions.

It was the least I could do to help with the onion marmalade. I peeled about fifty onionsโ€”red, brown, and white. And all the while, I was making friends out of people Iโ€™d never met before. Like those onions, we all came from various places, too. It wasnโ€™t much, but it sure seemed like the beginning another friendship.

Here we go again.

Scars

She had an unmistakeable spring in her step. It was a new town and a new life, yes but she would make it work. She was nothing if not adaptive.

She slipped into her new sweater, pulled on the boots, buckled up the coat, adjusted the hat, and walked out the door. Winter was fast approaching.

Hello, world! Her soul yelled. Show me what you got!

As if theyโ€™d heard, two boys came up from hind her. With watermelon heads and noses the size of grapes,โ€Yo!โ€ one of them called out. A large cap sat on his head while chains dangled round his collar and fake tattoos plastered his temple. He leaned forwards, shoving her nostrils with the nauseating scent of long-packaged cigarettes, โ€œyou got cash?โ€

Before she could react, the other boy grabbed her backpack and shook her. Hard. Stumbling on the walkway, she mutely watched him fish her wallet and grab her buffer money. 

He thrust the bag at her, while tattoo face ruffled her hair, โ€œGood girl!โ€ He leered before walking off.

It was now an old town and accustomed life. But she still doesnโ€™t look at a manโ€™s eye without shivering within.

Tell me a story

โ€œOh, I thought youโ€™d forgotten!โ€

โ€œHow can I, mom? I just got 20 per cent off of bread on Motherโ€™s Day sale.โ€

My mother thought Iโ€™d forgotten about Motherโ€™s Day because I didnโ€™t wish her on Sunday. It came up when I mentioned it, with the flyaway tone it deserves, in a conversation two days later.

Every street corner has a flyer or a billboard reminding us about this celebratory day. Everywhere I look, thereโ€™re roses and pinkish red ribbons cajoling people to splurge, guilting them into buying things their mothers may never even enjoy.

But thatโ€™s just the tradition of Motherโ€™s Day. Each year during this time, storefronts and in-stores promote maternity, maternal thankfulness, love, and forever gratitude.

What a story, huh?

Storytelling is now an unmistakeable chapter in marketing books. Almost every marketer I know understands its value, speaks about it, and in public forums vouches for it. But this โ€œtrendโ€ came about only in the last three to five years. Before that, no one spoke as much about the great tactic thatโ€™s storytelling and its role in marketing and sales.

And yet, for years, weโ€™ve been falling prey to some of the most wonderful storytelling the retail industry has ever divulged.

Yes, Iโ€™m saying Motherโ€™s Day is a story. And a well-said one too.

In most of Asia, children live with their parents until they get married or go off to work in a different city. However, in most of the western world, children move out of their parentsโ€™ far soonerโ€”sometimes as early as fifteen years. That is an excellent market for the Motherโ€™s Day story. You know how it goes: the child takes one day off from their personal life to meet with their mother, praise her, thank her, and show her how much they love her. Itโ€™s the perfect storyโ€”with the right blend of care- and guilt-inducing narrative, the story can survive generations, as we see it has. The best part? As the Asian culture adapted to westernisation, more Asian children experience it too.

In a sense, the grand narrative of being there for your mother, at least one day of the year, has become such a relatable matter for so many of us that we give in to without second thoughts.

With todayโ€™s tech growth, we donโ€™t need one day of the year to bond with our mother. Heck, I moved to Australia a month ago, and I still call my mom twice every day. I donโ€™t always want toโ€”when youโ€™re talking to your mom that often, you run out of things to talk about much sooner than youโ€™d imagineโ€”but I still make time to call her. She would freak out otherwise, but itโ€™s also a nice way to acknowledge her and what she means to me.

Iโ€™m not the only one either. A lot of people I know have regular interactions with their parents. But even they follow Motherโ€™s Day ritual because itโ€™s just so baked into our minds, andโ€”gosh what would people think about them if they donโ€™t?

Thatโ€™s how compelling this story is. Itโ€™s so haunting that you canโ€™t get away from it without going through with it. And like a vicious cycle, as people fuelled the tradition every year, weโ€™ve ended up with a generation of mothers whoโ€™re accustomed to expecting the $100 wine bottle (which they know was on sale for $89.95) as proof of their childrenโ€™s love.

As a marketer, I appreciate the mastery of the storytelling. But as a child, it just makes me a monster whoโ€™s so obsessed with work that she couldnโ€™t even send her mother a card on Motherโ€™s Day.

Oh, well.

War

The darkness pressed his face as cold air brushed against his exposed arms. He stepped forward tentativelyโ€”he didnโ€™t want to trigger whatever was lurking just beyond his vision. Or perhaps it was sleeping. He couldnโ€™t tell.

Bling!

Suddenly, out of no where, light was everywhere. Bright, white, blinding. Jason doubled overโ€”heโ€™d never thought lightness could hurt. As he crouched in pain, his grip tightened around Lyfe, his custom-designed handgun. Whatever was out there, he would get it. He would get it and thrash it, and get out of this hell alive. Couldnโ€™t afford to lose this battle.

He raised his head from his navel, andโ€”bam! A big blurry blob knocked the wind out of him. Searing pain shot up his head as blood flow scattered. Hitting the ground hard, he rasped for breath while peering for a glimpse of his attacker. It was Marcus. Marcus, his friend. Marcus, his partner. The same Marcus who whoโ€™d spent all his childhood weekends playing soccer with him, had almost cracked his skull open.

Towering over six feet, with shoulders as wide as a guitar, and muscles that bulged from its sockets, Marcus waited for Jason to stand. Jason took his time. He knew Marcus. Knew that he never liked killing dead rats. Regaining his breath, Jason stood upโ€”there was no use stalling the inevitable. It had to end, and it had to end today.

โ€œHow dare you?โ€ He spat at Marcus. Marcus wasnโ€™t rattledโ€”years of practice had taught him never to let personal emotions get in the way of getting the job done. And his job was clearโ€”kill Jason and get the others one by one.

โ€œSpare the chit chat.โ€ He growled and attacked. Thrusting his fist at Jasonโ€™s unprotected ribs, he drilled his way deep, cracking a few as we did. Despite a seasoned fighter, Jason stood foolishly, his weapon still in his limp hand. But his mind raced, and he retaliated even before he’d recovered from the hit.

Swinging his arm at nothing in particular, he pulled the trigger hoping to hole Marcus in the shoulder.

The bullet never made contact.

Before he knew what happened, a grand fire erupted around him, searing his skin, tearing away at the tiny fragments of torn cloth wrapped around his calves. His brain paralysed the body, and he stood helpless as the fire enveloped his shoulders, as if assuring everything would soon be over.

Marcus was still standing, unmoved from his stance. The fire danced about him without a single graze. Jason took a great shuddering breath, and preparing to fight his way back, looked up at Marcusโ€™s black eyes boring into his.

And it happened. A tiny piece of metal pierced Jasonโ€™s chest, crookedly making its way to his heart. In less than two seconds, the world went black.

Beep!

Game Over. The mechanical voice rang through the living room.

Collecting

Finders Keepers exhibition at the Old Parliament House in Canberra, Australia

Fraying photographs

desperate to keep intact

long gone memories


Photo: “What do you collect?” – An interactive segment of the Finders Keepers exhibition in the Old Parliament House, Canberra, Australia.