Tag: people

Chapter Forty Four: More Reflections

“A teacher?” Praveena repeated unbelieving. She had never thought of becoming a teacher. She had spent all of her student life hating teachers in general — except a handful, like Ms Marrie and James. Her prejudice had prevented the idea of becoming one. But now that Ms Marrie had mentioned it, Praveena began to wonder if teaching would be the profession for her.

Ms Marrie was looking at her, waiting for a response.

“Er –” began Praveena. This was confusing. She hadn’t expected this. “I’ve never considered it, Miss” she admitted. She didn’t want to sound like she was declining Ms Marrie’s idea, but she wanted to convey her thoughts properly as well.

“Why not?” Ms Marrie asked surprised. She rested her right hand on her folded left one, waiting for Praveena to explain her mind.

Praveena hesitated. This was tougher than she had anticipated. “Er – because – I don’t like most teachers.” she smiled apologetically.
Ms Marrie laughed silently. “So did all teachers when they were students. But what exactly is it that stops you from considering it?” ‘Damn,’ thought Praveena. Ms Marrie had always had the right words to extract anything out of her mind. Praveena smiled widely. She had decided to surrender.

“I’m scared my students would hate me.” She said, ‘there I said it. That’s what you wanted, right?’ her inner voice piped up.

“Exactly!” Ms Marrie said victoriously. “so, don’t be the kind of teacher you would hate.” she said simply, shrugging.

Praveena stared at Ms Marrie, completely lost. “Think about it, Praveena. You wanted a break. I’m saying teaching could give you that and would also teach you a lot. Think about it and then decide. But please don’t feel forced or influenced,” she finished gently. Praveena remained silent as they paid for their cappuccinos.

Bidding goodbye to Ms Marrie, Praveena took the bus that went in the opposite direction from Ms Marrie’s place. When she got home it was a late in the evening. Wandering into the kitchen wondering about dinner, she planned to make chapattis, her father’s favourite.

As she folded the flour into water, Ms Marrie’s advice kept bothering her. Ms Marrie seemed to think that she’d make a good teacher. Why had she never thought of it herself? ‘ ou always thought teaching was not for you without even understanding why,’ She nodded in approval at her inner voice.

Now that she thought about it, she began to consider teaching. What would she teach? She was only a psychology graduate. ‘Alright,’ she thought. ‘Even if I were to teach psychology in some school, would they accept an undergraduate? Aren’t teachers supposed to be highly qualified?’ She stopped mixing the dough and crossed her arms across her chest. She couldn’t possibly be a teacher. ‘Besides,’ she thought, ‘why would I want to be a teacher in the first place?’

She kept mulling over this question, forgetting the half finished chapattis. Covering the bowl of dough with a plate, she left the kitchen, her mind racing.

Praveena went over to the living room and lowered herself on the couch. She crouched in a comfortable position, thinking.

‘What is a teacher’s purpose?’ she asked herself. Her inner voice replied smugly, ‘teaching!’ Praveena cracked her knuckles. ‘Teaching, yes. Teaching a subject’ she smiled to herself. ‘That’s it?’ she challenged her inner voice. ‘For a typical teacher, yes’ her inner voice responded wisely. ‘But it’s not so for teachers like Ms Marrie and James.’

Praveena smiled wider now. She agreed with her inner voice. The two teachers she respected the most, the two people who, according to her, did complete justice to the role of a teacher. ‘Why?’ her inner voice asked teasingly. “because they didn’t just teach the subject, they helped me and a lot others understand themselves better.” Praveena exclaimed, irritated with her inner voice for testing her.

‘That’s why you should be a teacher.’ her inner voice ended jubilantly. Praveena understood. She was the girl who was upset because some aimless person had given up on himself and his beliefs. She had expected people to be better individuals. That doesn’t come easily. Someone has to instil that in young children. That’s what she would do if she became a teacher. She would help her students realize their potential and help them build a better society to live in. She wanted her students to help fellow countrymen. They would have a society that sympathizes with other people’s problems.

‘But,’ her inner voice broke in gently. ‘Remember, we live in a society that doesn’t want to he helped. They don’t want to live better. They prefer the sewers and try to pull in the others as well.’

‘Yes,’ Praveena agreed with her inner voice. ‘and that’s why we need to teach it to children, and not adults. This generation is gone to waste, all we can do is help the next.’

‘What’s the use?’ the inner voice asked exasperated. ‘you are just one person, you can’t change the world alone.’ Praveena agreed. Her inner voice had a realistic point, ‘but I don’t want to change the world. I know I can’t do that. I will be happy if I could change just one person’s world. Knowing that I helped one student lead a better life is enough to make me happy.’ she thought earnestly.

Her inner voice said no more. Praveena knew it was the right thing to do. She was aware that her beliefs would be tested, but she would overcome them. She wasn’t the same worried little girl she had been in school. She remembered what Ms Marrie had told her all those years ago: she could either shun away from the society that continuously threatens her behaviour, or she could face society with the satisfaction of changing at least one person.

She had chosen a way.

Chapter Forty Three: A Suggestion

Early on Monday morning, Praveena reached Chennai her mind temporarily clear. By the time she reached home, the sun had risen and begun to scorch the earth. Her father hadn’t returned from Kerala and after a confirmation call that he would return that night, Praveena washed and made herself some toast and tea.

Curling up on the couch, she switched on the television. Her favourite cartoon was on and she sat through the morning pampering her backside. A complete rest for the body and mind, she convinced herself.

A couple of hours through, she fell asleep. She had felt her eyes drooping and had made no effort to stay awake. She was too tired to even go up to her room.

She woke up to growling stomach at three o’clock in the afternoon. She sat up drowsily and sucked on her dry mouth. After another alarm from her stomach, she rose, stretching herself.

She went to the kitchen, rubbing her eyes to clear her vision. One look at the messy kitchen and she decided she wan’t in the mood for cooking. She made left over bread toast. Once she had silenced her stomach, she had a sudden impulse to clean the kitchen.

She collected all unwashed dishes into the sink, and arranged all the other items back into place. She washed all the dishes sparkly clean and after replacing them in their racks, stood back to enjoy the result of her work.

The kitchen looked much neater than the way her father maintained it. She smiled to herself. As she turned to go back to the couch, she felt a searing pain in her back. As she painfully walked over to the couch, she chided herself for pulling on much work on herself. She slumped heavily on the couch swearing to herself, ‘I’m never doing that again.’

After a typical day at home, Praveena had had enough. She thought of her mother who had spent her days at home doing household chores. If that’s what people expected her to do in future, she decided she was better off without any of those. She wondered about it when her phone rang unexpectedly.

It was Ms Marrie. Praveena frowned at the phone, as it continued to ring. Why was Ms Marrie calling her? It was always she who made the first call. An emergency?

Perplexed, she answered. “Hello?” she said doubtful.

“Hi Praveena, it’s Marrie.” said Ms Marrie’s voice enthusiastically. “Did I disturb you?”

Ms Marrie had taken Praveena by surprise. “No, – er – no, Miss.” Praveena stammered, not sure how to answer.

“Can I meet you, Praveena?” Ms Marrie asked hopefully, like a child pleading with her mother for permission to go play outside.

“Yes, Miss. Sure.” Praveena replied courteously. “Where?”

“Thanks, how about “The Latte” in an hour?” she asked hopefully.

“Sure, I’ll be there, Miss.” Praveena smiled forgetting yet again, that Ms Marrie couldn’t see her.

Praveena sat staring at her phone. Ms Marrie hadn’t sounded disappointed, she hadn’t sounded distressed or depressed. Then why, Praveena wondered, did she suddenly want to meet her? ‘Let’s find out!’

Forty five minutes later, when Praveena entered “The Latte,” she saw Ms Marrie at the farthest corner, reading the menu. She looked just the way did during Praveena’s school days. She had pulled her hair back in a pony and wore a purple sari that matched the white watch on her right wrist. “The Latte” was a popular coffee shop known for its fully glassed walls with a 360 degree view of the world outside. Sunlight streamed inside and as Praveena walked over to Ms Marrie, she noticed the circles of reflective light bouncing off the ceiling.

“Hello, Miss.” she smiled. Ms Marrie looked up from the menu with a wide smile that Praveena hadn’t seen in a long time. Ms Marrie gestured her to take a seat. She did. “You seem happy, Miss” Praveena observed, smiling. She felt blissful looking at the glow on Ms Marrie’s face. She spoke with a new ease and comfort. It was freedom, as if the teacher-student barrier between them had come crashing down. It was as if they were two friends, randomly meeting in a coffee shop. Praveena could understand the feeling.

Ms Marrie nodded silently. She ordered two cappuccinos, which arrived quickly. Praveena waited. She knew now that Ms Marrie hadn’t called her to discuss personal sorrows. This was more of a friendly meeting. She could tell from Ms Marrie’s behaviour.

Sipping her cappuccino, Ms Marrie smiled at Praveena. “How was your graduation day?” she asked unexpectedly.

“Hmm…” Praveena hesitated, “it was alright, but it was tiring.” She sighed heavily shaking her head.

Ms Marrie nodded understandingly. “How was Prathap’s speech?” she asked a tiny smile playing on her lips.

“Oh, that,” began Praveena ready to complain all she could about the lecture. But she paused as she realized something. “you know the principal?” she asked incredulously.

Ms Marrie nodded leaning on her chair. “Prathap was my classmate. He loved advising, even as a student,” she added irritably.

Praveena needed a minute to soak that piece of information. She imagined Ms Marrie and Professor Prathap in the same classroom, possibly in the same bench. “It would have been tiresome,” she accidentally wondered aloud.

“Ha,” Ms Marrie laughed. “that, it was.” she smiled reassuringly as Praveena looked at her shamefully.

“Anyway,” Ms Marrie continued. “I heard he gave valuable advice, even if he wasn’t clever enough to think of it on his own.” she said raising eyebrows at Praveena.

Praveena didn’t know how to respond. She knew her principal’s advice was based on reality and conventions, but she had felt it hard to accept it. She told that to Ms Marrie who nodded silently.

“I know what you mean,” Ms Marrie said after awhile. “Anyway,” she continued, draining the last of her coffee, “what did your father say about starting that non-profit organization? I spoke to a few of my friends and they’ve agreed to help us out.” she added a bit serious.

Praveena felt a rush of gratitude at Ms Marrie’s words. She appreciated the efforts Ms Marrie had made for her, “Thank you, Miss,” she said, overwhelmed by her kindness, “but I’ve decided to delay my plans.” she said unhappily.

Ms Marrie looked curiously at her. “But, why?” she asked surprised.

Praveena told Ms Marrie about Kamal’s response and his advice against the organization. Ms Marrie listened without interrupting. As Praveena ended sadly, Ms Marrie made a sudden suggestion, “Why don’t you become a teacher, Praveena?”

Chapter Forty Two: A Friendly Day Out

Graduation day had ended with a blur of lights and a whiff of undetected alcohol from the boys’ hostels. Kamal left for Kerala early next day to catch up with his business meetings. Praveena, however, had one more day in Bangalore. She had planned to stay in the hostel on Sunday and board the night train back home.

She and Anil met their batch mates. They had all changed so much that Praveena couldn’t identify most of them. Everyone remembered her though; people don’t forget the best friend of the drug addict who slit her wrist in a hostel room. Half of the girls pursued higher studies, but already gotten engaged. They were to use the two years of post graduation to get to know their future husbands.

It surprised Praveena that they had all so easily given into marriage. Among these girls were a few who, she knew, planned about marriage life, even while they were at college. Praveena kept wondering why these girls limited their ambitions, why they rarely thought beyond marriage. The thought left her blank and blurry, before she decided to save the thought for later.

The morning progressed without much adventure, except giving Praveena a mind-full to ponder. Her schedule gave Anil enough time to spend time with her; he took her out for lunch hoping to cook up a proper conversation.

Praveena suggested The Green Leaf, and a silent car ride later, they sat in the same table as before.

Praveena’s mind felt strangely light. Convocation was over, she was now an official member of a society she didn’t understand.

She had been wondering what to do with her life, and all of a sudden, she realized she had been staring at her untouched meal. Anil broke into her thoughts.

“Hey! Eat!” he said shaking his head in disbelief.

“Huh?” Praveena started, “Hmm,” she managed as she began to eat.

“What’s up with you suddenly?” Anil looked suspiciously at her. He raised his eyebrows, and Praveena noticed how they curved beautifully over his eyes.

She sighed in reply to his questioning glare. As he held his look, she said, “I spoke to Pa.”

“About what?” Anil asked innocently not understanding what she said.

Praveena exasperatedly heaved a sigh. “About the plan we made,” she said. And when Anil continued to stare at her with puzzled eyes, she continued irritably, “about the organization for drug addiction recovery. Remember?” she added mockingly.

Anil had to hide his laughter. Praveena threw him a stern look like an annoyed teacher glaring at a mischievous child.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry,” he tried to sound apologetic, unsure of the effect. However, Praveena said nothing more. She just nodded, lost in her thoughts.

“Hmm,” Anil dragged. He rubbed his chin, wondering what to say. “What exactly did your father say?”

“He told me not to do it. Said it was a bad idea.” Praveena said flatly.

Anil thought. “What do you want to do?” he demanded.

Praveena had been asking herself the same question. “I want to do this.” She said with an air of certainty. She would do it for sure. Someday.

“Then, lets do it.” Anil said simply. He didn’t understand, and Praveena wasn’t sure he would, even if she explained it to him. She leaned back on her chair signing. Anil looked at her for a response. “I can’t go against Pa.” She said dully. “I can’t hurt him. He’s already had a lot of troubles.”

Anil looked at her in confusion. “So, what have you decided to do?” he asked rubbing his forehead.

Praveena looked into his eyes impassively. “I haven’t decided anything.”

Anil, locking his hands, rested against his chin, looking at Praveena with a tiny smile on his lips. He said nothing for a while. He just watched as Praveena struggled within herself to discover what she wanted to do next.

Ten minutes later, they paid for a meal they hadn’t enjoyed and left for the hostel. Praveena had a train to catch.

Praveena comfortably settled in her seat on the train. Anil had come to the railway station to see her off. “When will I see you again?” he had asked, with a touch of sadness that Praveena hadn’t noticed before. “Soon,” she smiled, adding, “hopefully” with raised eyebrows.

Anil smiled as he waved goodbye. The train began to gain momentum and Praveena soon lost sight of Anil and his raised hand.

She leaned back in her seat, enjoying the drizzle that gently splashed on her face. She smiled. She had always enjoyed the rain. She loved the cold water running down her face, washing away all uncertainties and fears.

‘Speaking of uncertainties,’ he inner voice began, but Praveena was so used to shutting it out by now that she did it with ease. She knew she had to make a decision. Soon. She knew what she wanted, but getting it was the problem.

Could time fix problems? She wondered. ‘Perhaps,’ her inner voice piped in. Praveena turned to stare at the speeding trees through the window. Time meant that she would get older, but so would her father. Kamal hadn’t agreed now, and she wasn’t sure he would agree he got older. ‘But it’s worth a try.’ Her inner voice made a point. ‘Maybe it’s better to put things to rest,’ she thought. ‘Give Pa some time to think and reflect on the idea’. That could work out.

She smiled to herself as the thought lifted her mood.