Tag: school life

Chapter Forty Five: Another Plan

That night, Kamal returned from his business trip so tired that he had to almost dragged himself inside.

Parveena served dinner, surprising her father. “Ah, chapattis!” he exclaimed in delight. “Great!” he said as he ate. Praveena smiled, saying nothing. Kamal behaved as usual towards her. After shouting at her, she had expected him to avoid her in some way, and was surprised when he didn’t.

After a hearty dinner, Kamal took to the couch, basking lazily as he watched the daily news. Praveena sat next to him tentatively.

“You want to say something?” her father turned towards her unexpectedly.

Praveena started. “Nothing important, Pa.” She shook her head. Kamal smiled at her knowingly. He switched off the television and faced her. “What is it Praveena?”

She wrung her hands. “Well,” she hesitated. After the other day’s incident, Praveena felt uncomfortable to talk to him. It was Kamal’s temporary, yet unexpected, reaction that had unnerved her.

Kamal waited for her to speak. “I – er – was just wondering what to do next.” She paused and wet her lips, expecting her father to say something. When he didn’t, however, she continued, “I want to become a teacher.” Praveena said in a low voice.

Kamal took a deep breath. He stood up and crossed his arms across his chest. Praveena, too was about to stand up when her father gestured her to remain seated. She did. Kamal faced her, tilting his head to one side. Praveena felt a lump forming in the base of her throat.

“What’s the problem, Praveena?” he asked gently, surprising her again. He continued, “You said you wanted to begin a non-profit organization. I said no. And now, you want to become a teacher?” he finished incredulously.

Praveena crinkled her eyes in doubt. There was nothing wrong with it, was there? “Yes, Pa.” she said looking into his eyes with difficulty. She could see a flicker of doubt in them, but he said nothing. For about a whole minute, he paced up and down in front of her, his eyes on the floor, thinking. Praveena’s eyes followed him. She waited, ‘he couldn’t possibly say no to this,’ she thought.

When her father stopped pacing, he faced her with a smile on his lips. “Okay then.” He said, “you want to be a teacher,” he declared, raising his eyebrows. Praveena nodded silently. “go ahead!” he said. “Do whatever you should,” he shrugged. He smiled at the look of gratitude on Praveena’s face.

She stood up. “Thanks, Pa,” she hugged him, beaming. And he caressed her head without saying anything else.

Later that night, Praveena called Ms Marrie. “Hi, Praveena. What’s up?” Ms Marrie asked surprised. They had only met that evening.

“Hi, Miss, I hope I didn’t disturb you?” Praveena asked, unable to control her glee. She was about to do something she wanted, and the most happiest of it was that her father had agreed.

“Oh, no” Ms Marrie laughed. “not at all. Anything important?” she asked curiously.

“No, Miss,” Praveena responded, “well,” she hesitated, “actually, yes,” She heard Ms Marrie’s quiet laughter from the other side. “What is it, Praveena?” she asked lightly.

“Er – I – thought about what you said,” she paused. Why was this difficult?

“And, you decided — ?” Ms Marrie helped her that much.

“Yes,” Praveena said. “I’ve decided to agree with you. I want to teach,” she laughed. Yesterday, she wouldn’t have expected to hear herself say this.

“Can you help me, Miss?” she asked.

“What do you want to know?”

“Do I need a Masters degree to teach? Or a B.Ed?” Praveena wanted to know. The prospect of spending another couple of years as a student was discouraging, but she hoped she wouldn’t have to.

“To teach in our school?” Ms Marrie asked incredulously.

Praveena hadn’t thought of that. “Yes,” she heard herself say. ‘Better a known place,’ her inner voice supported.

“Hmm,” Ms Marrie said thoughtfully. “I don’t think you would need a PG, Praveena. But I’ll check with the principal and let you know, say tomorrow?”

Praveena smiled gleefully, “Sure, Miss. Thank you.” she added, grateful.

‘No problem, Praveena,” Ms Marrie said graciously. “It’s my pleasure.”

Praveena felt a rush of excitement as she hung up. Good, now she had to prepare herself to teach. Three years in college wasn’t a waste after all, she mused.

Ms Marrie called Praveena the next day.

“Hi,” she began enthusiastically. “I spoke to Principal Kareem. And he said you can join any day. They were looking for a class teacher, apparently. Just meet him before you join.” she said.

“Happy?” she added.

“Oh yes,” Praveena exclaimed. There was a giant balloon in her heart that swelled with pride and joy. ‘That was easy,’ her inner voice sounded amused.

Praveena smiled to herself. She had realized her dream. She was about to change someone’s life for the better. She was about to become a teacher. She thought of James. She wished she had his number. She wanted him to know that he was her role model; him and Ms Marrie. ‘I’ll tell that to Ms Marrie when I join,’ she thought.

Praveena made a promise to herself that day: she would never use her position as a teacher to mistreat her students or exploit her title. She thought of the teachers who had made her student life miserable. She would never be one of them. She would be a different kind of teacher. She would always be there for her students, reaching out whenever they needed help.

Chapter Forty One: Freedom

Graduation day. It would be the first and last of its kind in her life, Praveena waking up early on Saturday morning. She lay on the cozy bed stretching. Her phone rang, and she let out a wide yawn before answering it.

“Hey,” Anil’s voice rang out enthusiastically. Praveena looked at the huge wall clock that hung above the full-size mirror. It was five minutes past seven o’clock.

“Hi,” she yawning again. “It’s only seven!” she complained.

“Get up, you lazy bones!” he laughed. “It’s the official independence day!” he said gleefully.

“So?” Praveena asked mockingly. She sat up cracking her knuckles balancing her phone between her shoulder and ear.

“Please get ready soon,” Anil pleaded. “I’m bored” he added.

She sighed. “Alright,” she glumly got off the inviting bed. “Give me fifteen minutes, I’ll meet you outside.” She yawned.

“Ok,” Anil replied happily and disconnected the call.

Praveena stood in the centre of the room, as she had done countless times before, and suddenly felt an impulse to call out to Niveda. She thought of those instances when she had called out to wake a sleeping Niveda. She looked at the empty bed next to her, and pictured the image embossed in her mind; Niveda’s lifeless body lying face down.

She sighed. The temptation to weep was overwhelming. Instead, she turned towards the bathroom, she had to learn to put those things in the past.

This time, Anil was determined to take Praveena to a restaurant she had never been to. They walked to a small hotel about five minutes away.

It was a small shack with a thatched roof and filled with the appetizing smell of hot chic peas gravy.

“Hmm,” Praveena sniffed the scent like a child sniffing her mother’s special recipe. “It smells good.” She appreciated.

Anil beamed and they ate heartily.

By mid morning, they were back at the college, walking around the large grounds. Praveena hardly said anything and even though Anil tried multiple times to initiate a conversation, he couldn’t. The most she replied to any of his false starters was with a single “Yeah.”

Disheartened after a few minutes, he stopped speaking and began to savour the rustling of the leaves that broke the silence between them.

Praveena’s thoughts had drifted to her father. He had called her in the morning to say he would arrive in Bangalore late in the afternoon, a couple of hours before the convocation ceremony. He had spoken to her normally — just as he used to, before he put his foot down at Praveena’s plan. He had sounded neither apologetic nor annoyed, but Praveena could sense a certain disconnectedness she couldn’t decipher. She hadn’t told Anil about her father’s reaction yet, but planned to tell him that night after the graduation ceremony.

Praveena sat in the second row with her father, Anil, and his mother. It was the first time Praveena had met the old, lean, and bespectacled Anil’s mother. She had worn a printed light blue sari and looked stiff as if she had just retired from the military and hadn’t adopted civilian life yet. She had shook Praveena’s hand curtly with a severe expression on her face. From where she had stood introducing herself to his mother, Praveena saw Anil and her father, a short distance away exchanging a similar interaction.

She smiled to herself as she thought of Anil’s horrified expression. As the principal got on to the stage, Praveena adopted a more solemn expression. She didn’t want him thinking that she had made a laughing matter of this graduation. ‘He wouldn’t be wrong though.’ Praveena shut her inner voice down.

The principal, wearing a yellow robe too large for him, began his address. Every time he lifted his hands in a welcoming gesture, his robe would dangle off his arms making it tough for Praveena to stifle her laughter. She stole a look at Anil who had a laughing battle on his own. She quickly turned back to face the stage.

The principal spoke of leadership and the importance of higher studies. He went a step further to mention of the role of marriage in everyone’s life. He said he was glad to hear a lot of the students had gotten engaged. “Marriage,” he said loftily “teaches you values of life that even college doesn’t.” Praveena’s mind had already drifted. She saw the principal’s face contorted in concentration as he made a brave attempt to deliver his memorized speech without a hitch.

Kamal listened intently, and next to him, Praveena could see Anil with his face resting on his hand. She smiled to herself as she thought back to their boring days in college, when he had slept in class in the same position without anyone noticing. She was surprised that even after such a long time, he managed to pull it off without being detected — not even by his military-grade mother.

The principal spoke for about another twenty minutes. Praveena watched him speak without listening. When all of a sudden, everyone around her applauded, she sleepily realized the principal had succeeded — he had narrated without forgetting his speech.

Her father turned to face her admiringly, “That was a wonderful speech!” Praveena smiled but said nothing. In her three years of college life, she had heard countless speeches like that one. She had been inspired too the first time, but as it continued, she noticed he was more interested in saying something rather than what he said.

A lecturer had grabbed the microphone now. He congratulated the students for making it ‘this far’ in life and wished them all the best for the future. Once that was done, he called the names of the graduating students in alphabetical order. One by one, Praveena saw as her batch mates went over to the principal – who wore a fixed smile – and collected their certifications. She glared in disbelief as they all smiled and posed for cameras flashing from all sides.

Anil went before her and she saw him step up to the principal awkwardly. He grew nervous at gatherings, she knew. She glanced at Anil’s mother when he collected his certification, and was surprised to see her wiping tears away, fumbling frantically with the camera aimed at her son.

When her turn came, Praveena felt a sudden rush of sadness. She had always imagined her graduation with Anil and Niveda standing beside her. She collected her certificate with a sinking heart. ‘Niveda should have been here.’ Her inner voice said in a low voice. For some odd reason, Praveena’s heart felt lighter as she imagined Niveda’s warm hand pressing over hers, comforting her. Everything would come to pass.

Chapter Fifteen: Friends

Praveena was to become a Psychologist. A few years ago, she wouldn’t have imagined herself in this situation. The college was in Bangalore and Praveena had to adopt hostel life. He father didn’t protest, again to her surprise.

College changed Praveena’s life without her permission. She had to socialize with other students —  something she had evaded for a long time in school. She was glad of it too. After years of being friendless in school, it had been tough to make friends all of a sudden; everyone had already formed their own groups, jelling well together. They were unwelcoming to a new person. Having realised it the hard way, Praveena was determined not to repeat her mistake.

On her first day in college, a warm Friday morning, she sat alone in the last row, when another girl took the seat next to her. All other places were taken, even when Praveena came in. The ‘all students in the last row are morons’ attitude stood in Bangalore too, Praveena realized, as she looked around from her place.

The girl next to her remained silent, looking troubled. She had tied her long brownish hair back in a pony, but a few strands hung either side of her temples. Praveena liked the way the girl wore her hair; she had never tried it on herself. ‘Maybe you should.’ ‘Ya, and maybe you should shut up.’

The girl sat with her face down, resting on folded arms. She seemed to be in pain. Praveena wondered if she should talk to her.

She turned around to look at the other students. Everyone was quiet, tentative to start a conversation. A boy sat right in front of her. It was his hair that attracted Praveena’s attention. It was short, jet black and well kept. She felt a pang of envy.

A few minutes of silence later, the tension diffused and everyone began talking with each other. It seemed like the teacher would be late. It was only later that Praveena learnt that things were done quite differently in the St. Benedict School of Sciences; teachers never showed up for class on the first day of the year. This was to encourage students to get to know each other before they began academics.

As the others started talking, the boy who sat in front of Praveena turned to her, “Hi, I’m Anil.”

“Praveena,” she responded, extending a hand. He took it smiling. She noticed dimples in his cheeks. ‘Cute,’

The girl next to looked up, turning her head this way and that. She seemed to be annoyed with the silence. Anil spoke to her. “Hi, I’m Anil.”

The girl looked at him with a strange expression on her face, as if she could hear him but couldn’t see.

“And I’m Praveena.” She held out a hand.

The girl looked from Anil to Praveena and then back. She took a few seconds to respond, “Niveda.” she said at last.

An awkward silence fell between them as they looked at each other. Then suddenly out of nowhere, Niveda burst out laughing, taking the other two by surprise.

“Well,” she managed between laughter, “what do we say next?” her eyes were twinkling with excitement.

“Wow?” Anil said a little nervously, making her laugh even more. Anil looked at Praveena bewildered, and saw her reflecting his look.

“Friends?” Niveda asked, looking at the other two, her palm raised upwards.

“Sure.” Anil was enthusiastic.

“Friends.” Praveena affirmed.

It was the strangest thing that had happened to her. She had never made friends this way before. She was excited and a little reserved at the same time. She wondered if this friendship would be as strong as the ones she had seen and read.

From that day onwards, the trio became good friends. They had committed to the relationship knowing nothing about one another, but they would figure out on the way.
That evening, Praveena moved into the hostel. She was quite thrilled when she found out who her room mate would be.

As she entered their room laden with heavy bags, Niveda threw herself at her. “Hey! Welcome, my new roomie!” She sounded so excited that it infected Praveena as well.

“Hey!” She hadn’t expected Niveda, “This is wonderful,” she said earnestly. “Wow, the two of us!” The thought thrilled her. She had heard Anil was in the hostel too. It was the first time Praveena looked forward to meeting a friend, and she liked the feeling.

Niveda took Praveena’s hands and ran around the room in joy. “We could do so much together!”

“Sure, why not!” Praveena laughed. She felt dizzy already.

National Blog Posting Month – Day 17

Chapter Fourteen: Life Goes On

After their little conversation, Praveena grew less tensed and less angry. She felt like a new person altogether. After a long time, she slept well that night. The next morning, she sought Priya and apologized.

“Hi Priya” she greeted brightly.

“Oh, I — hi” Priya replied sounding weak. Praveena could see her cowering at the sight of her. She decided to set things right.
“Listen, Priya. I’m really sorry for what happened the other day. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.” She meant it, she wanted to make things normal between herself and her other classmates.

After that, Priya and Praveena became friends. They weren’t what you’d call soul mates, but they were a pair of school kids hanging out, trying to tolerate each other. In the years that came, Praveena became the person she had always wanted to be: a normal student.

She thought of her mother almost everyday but not with the same self pity and distress; she now remembered her mother as a person she cherished and whose memories gave her bliss. She sat on her bed everyday and spoke into thin air imagining she was speaking to her mother. It was easier now to tell her mother everything she felt. Ms Marrie seemed to have somehow unlocked the invisible barrier that had stood between Praveena and her expressive abilities, and for that, she was ever grateful.

As days and months rolled on to years, Praveena grew up to be so different from what she would have turned out if not for the little chat with Ms Marrie.

Every time she thought of that day, Praveena couldn’t help but wonder how easily things seemed to have changed. One moment she was full of confusion and fear, and the next, she had felt so positive.

Bearing that positivity in her mind, Praveena got through to the final year of her school life. Students were in high spirits, glad to get away from school tension. They looked forward to join college. It was a prestige itself, to call yourself a college student. College meant a lot of freedom, yet under the student banner. It’s the age many students experiment with their habits and end up miserable later on in life.

Praveena wasn’t aware of those things, yet. To her, college was a senior form of school with limited freedom. With her happily misunderstood concept, she prepared herself to face her final examinations.

Ms Marrie and Praveena had grown closer to each other. Though Praveena didn’t spend time with her in any more talking sessions, they shared a wave of understanding that remained a mystery to others. On her last day in school before the examinations, Praveena was walking down the school corridor when she came across Ms Marrie.

“Good morning, Miss,” she greeted her as usual, noticing that Ms Marrie was unusually happy. She beamed wider than Praveena had ever seen before. ‘Well, there aren’t many reasons to be happy in this school, even for a teacher.’ Nowadays, her inner voices came and went freely without bothering Praveena. They were a part of her after all.

“Morning Praveena. Guess what?” she sounded excited too, like a child who had just cleared her exam with distinction.

Praveena shrugged shaking her head, “You’re happy for some reason?” They had crossed the point of a teacher-student relationship. Praveena and Marrie were more like friends now.

The other teachers in the corridor had begun staring at the pair of them. They never conversed so easily with their students. ‘What’s up with Marrie?’ They’d wonder, not having the courage to voice their thoughts.

“Let’s go into my room,” Ms Marrie replied quietly. Disapproving stares followed them, all the way to Marrie’s room.

Once inside, Marrie turned to Praveena and announced, “I’m getting married!”

“What – wow! Congratulations!” Praveena was too happy and surprised to say anything. She spread out her arms wide and embraced Ms Marrie in a long hug; she didn’t know why she did it, it sort of happened instinctively. Praveena had never before thought of Ms Marrie becoming someone’s wife. She was an individual, a strong single person. That’s the way Praveena had seen and come to respect her. News of her marriage came as a happy surprise that Praveena didn’t know how to react.

“You upset?”, Ms Marrie asked incredulously. Pulling away from the hug and looking into her face.

“Oh, no. No, no” Praveena stuttered. “I’m just – happy.” she smiled widely. And she hugged Ms Marrie again.

“Thanks so much Praveena!”

“So,” Praveena asked, breaking the hug. She paused mulling the words over. Ms Marrie looked questioningly at her. “where’s he from?” She gave an extra emphasis on he.

“He lives here, in Chennai.”

Praveena was relieved. She didn’t want to lose contact with Ms Marrie. “And,” Ms Marrie added, “I’ll be working even after marriage,” smiling knowingly.

That’s exactly what Praveena had wanted to hear. Her joy knew no boundaries. A few seconds of hesitation later, she hugged Ms Marrie again, the only person she had spoken her heart out besides her mother.
Ms Marrie returned the embrace, patting her gently on the head. She knew.

That was the last time Praveena saw Ms Marrie. For some reason after that, Ms Marrie had never called her, or answered her calls.

Soon enough, Praveena was engulfed in other worldly matters. She fared her exams well, and like all others her age, busied herself wondering which course and college to join.

She wasn’t sure what to do. She was attracted towards creative thinking and psychology. She chose to to do a Psychology course. After some thought, her father gave in though she was surprised he hadn’t opposed to her wishes as other parents had. She knew he had hoped she would enrol in Engineering.

So, she decided to take up psychology. She wasn’t the curious kind who had read all about the subject on the Internet. No, she was just another girl, who saw the mind as a fantastic beast. She was intrigued, but she was a novice. And she accepted that on her interview.

“You never read anything on Psychology before?” Her new principal raised his thick eyebrows. He looked quite young and puzzled.

Preveena shook her head, slightly smiling at his surprise. ‘That’s what they teach here, right?
“Ok,” he seemed to have recovered. Stroking his short boxed beard, he said, “would you like to take a small questionnaire. Now?”

Praveena was taken aback. She hadn’t expected this. ‘You should have’. Shut up, she advised her inner voice. And, for once, it did.

So, Praveena took the test. She sat in a classroom, with no supervisor and plenty of empty benches. The blackboard was wiped clean and the teacher’s desk sparkled. The questions were all about patterns and boxes; questions about which matched which, and which line looked similar to the other. There was even a question that had asked her to describe the shape of a circle. Her father sat outside the room, waiting patiently. He wasn’t sure this would work, but he held his silence.

An hour later, she stood in front of the principal while he examined her work. He looked at it for about five minutes without saying anything. He then turned the paper upside down and stared at it.

Praveena started to have doubts. What was he doing? Was he really an esteemed Psychologist, or just a raving lunatic?

At last, he put the paper on his desk and said with an impassive look, “You’re admitted. Congratulations.”

National Blog Posting Month – Day 16