Tag: self-help

Book review: I’m Not Okay and That’s Okay

Find this book on Goodreads

Self-help books sound a bit patronising to me. Occasionally I find useful nuggets in the genre but because of its typical narrative style, I also don’t read too many self-help books. So when I first borrowed this book from my audio library, I didn’t know it was in the self-help category. It was an interesting title, and I like reading and learning about the macabre and mental illness so expected some sort of analysis of mental health. Alas, it wasn’t to be.

That’s on me. I don’t always read the blurbs before borrowing a book (I like the mystery) so I often find out about a book as I go along.

It wasn’t a total disaster. I gave this book a 3/5 on Goodreads, and my rating is a reflection of how I processed this book, and not of the content or the writing.

This isn’t the kind of book you read on the bus or listen on your run. I learnt that the hard way—I was mid-run when I finished a book. I’d already set up this book to play next so I did. Had to stop after about 10 minutes because it just wasn’t the kind of help I needed to finish my run.

This is the kind of book you have on your shelf and reach for whenever you’re having a rough time. If you have a nighttime routine that includes reflection or meditation, this might be a book you slot into that routine—a chapter a day would be more than enough. This is a slow read. It feels like a workbook with some strategies sprinkled in, and it gives you active time and space to work through said strategies. If that’s what you need in life right now, it’s a good little book.

It’s also an easy-to-read book. The language is simple and direct, which is important when you’re physically or mentally going through a difficult period. But it’s not a shallow read—it touches on some potentially confronting topics and ideas. But it doesn’t add to your cognitive load. It’s not an alternative to therapy, in other words. You’re still going to have to do the work yourself (whatever that looks like to you)—but the book can be a useful supplement.

On the other hand, parts of the book felt repetitive and rather obvious, for the lack of a better word. Most people will have come across some of the advice and strategies in the book. Sometimes, hearing the same advice from various sources can be reassuring, adding credence to the author’s expertise. Unfortunately, that can also make the book feel the same as others in the genre.

Recharging in solitude

I’m introverted, but for a long time I avoided declaring it in public because people consider it a negative trait.

The reason? My introversion makes me crave solitude. And that’s not something our society encourages. We live in a world that loves sociableness, motivates loud energy, and appreciates extroversion. In such a world, I found it hard to be alone without attracting misconceptions and raised eyebrows.

A lot of people see solitude as sadness. While I prefer and choose to dine alone, my acquaintances consider it their duty to keep me company. Not because they want to share a conversation, but because it makes them uncomfortable to see someone sitting by themselves, unperturbed by the rest of the world. To that extent, some people equate solitude to unnaturalness.

Solitude, on the contrary, is a gift. I see it as a well-deserved gift I give myself so that I can recover from all the unpleasant things I face each day. It’s my choice to spend time alone with my thoughts. It doesn’t make me lonesome, for no external force drives me to be alone. The desire to recuperate stems from self-motivation. And that’s what makes me set aside a specific time each day for myself. It doesn’t matter if I’m productive or not during that time. What matters is that I focus on my soul and mental health, prioritising my well-being over all others.

When I’m alone, I hear myself better. I drown the noise from the rest of the world and focus on my inner voice. It tells me what I need to know, and guides me in the right path.

Spending time with myself lets me love myself more—because I become comfortable in my own skin, in my own presence, learning to appreciate my successes and failures.

And that’s why we should all give ourselves a chance. We learn more from our reflections than we often realise.

All You Need to Know About Success

secrets-to-success

Looking for some tips to become successful in business and your personal life? You’ve come to the right place. You can Google “What it takes to be successful?” and you’ll land in thousands of articles. But this one’s different.

In the following pages, I will share with you, the secret to leading a successful life. I’ve written a couple of self-help books before and that gives me every right to tell you what to do. I know about success and I have the audacity to claim that I know more than I know. And that’s all you need to know about my authority over the topic.

As to what you need to know about success itself, let’s just say that it’s a 5-step procedure. Well, no, five’s too little. It’s a 10-step procedure to become what you wish to become and project your best self to the world.

Before we begin, know this: You should never worry about anything anyone says about you. That’s the first rule of wanting to be successful. People who do well in life and society don’t care what their neighbours think or say about them. Instead, they wake up every morning and do what they do best — ignore the world.

Because once you’ve become successful in life — personal or business — you don’t need anyone else in your life. And I don’t mean you can be alone, I just mean that you don’t have to be dependent on someone else.

First lesson: Success in life comes from within. Face a mirror and take a deep breath. Speak to yourself and tell the weird face staring back at you that you’re successful in life. Tell that terrified face that you have everything you need to live a wholesome life.

Sure, you may get fired today because you’ve been slacking for months even after your boss warned you.

Well, your car may backfire on you because you’ve been ignoring the check engine light.

And yes, chances are, you’ll run into the ex-partner you’ve been trying to avoid ever since you cheated on them.

Oh, and that landlord you’ve been hiding away from? He might come around in a few minutes to beat his rent out of you.

But don’t worry about all that now. You’re a star. You can do anything you set your mind to. You are a winner. Think of yourself as a studded, caped, shiny-haired fashion icon. People want to be like you. They’re jealous of you and all that you’ve got for a life.

Congratulations. You’ve crossed the first step towards achieving success. The best way to walk the life you desire is to help yourself. And I’m here to help you help yourself.

To continue reading, buy this book on Amazon. It’ll only cost you half your rent. This is the only self-help book you’ll ever need. Don’t work hard, don’t bother getting down and getting dirty. Just tell yourself you’re successful and you’ll be that in no time.