Chapter Thirty Five: A Proposition

Praveena woke up in high spirits. When she looked out the window, she noticed the bright blue sky, dotted with mild grey clouds. She smiled to herself as the wind brushed against her face.

She got ready for what she anticipated a tiring, yet rewarding day. Kamal was already at the dining table and he didn’t miss the skip in her step.

“You seem happy,” he observed as they sat for breakfast. He had made her favourite breakfast of traditional dosas and chutney.

“Hmm,” she responded her mouth full. She hadn’t expected such a treat. Her father specialized in every type of food that she loved and each day, Praveena ate extra-well, making up for all the pounds she lost in college. “Pa, this is so delicious!” she exclaimed holding up a piece of the dosa dipped in hot chilli chutney and smacking her lips.

Kamal smiled at her. Somehow, Praveena noticed he looked much bleaker than usual. His eyes had lost their colour, his skin had begun to sport wrinkles and he seemed a little moody as well. “What’s happened, Pa?” she queried, putting down the piece she had just raised to her mouth. Now that she properly looked at him, she realized that his forehead was wrinkled as if either tensed or worried. Praveena chided herself for not spending more time with her father. Ever since she had returned, he had somehow distanced himself from her and had become busy with work.

As Praveena looked at him expecting him to speak, Kamal shook his head. “Nothing,” he said continuing with his breakfast. “Eat.” he added catching her still staring at him.

Praveena felt the battle wage within her. Was it the right time for a discussion? ‘Perhaps not,’ her inner voice helped her decide. She heeded the advice, surprising herself.


Once Kamal had left for work, Praveena spent the whole of the day contemplating on how to tell her father about her plans to organize a self help group. It seemed like a good idea to her, but she also wanted to hear her father’s take on it. She knew he would have another perspective, and hoped he’d help get started with all the work. ‘This is going to good!’ she could hear her inner voice jumping in delight.

She spent the rest of the day reading, and despite her efforts to concentrate, her mind made plans all the while.

When Kamal returned that evening, she greeted him at the door as usual. He dragged himself through the doorway and slumped on the couch, worrying Praveena.

“Pa?” she spoke uncertainly.

Kamal heaved a sigh. “Hmm?” Seeing the look of concern on Praveena’s face, “Just another long day,” he sighed. Praveena smiled and went into the kitchen.

She handed him a glass of ice water and sat next to him on the couch. Kamal drank, and reached out to place the glass on the table in front of the couch. “That’s better,” he said as he made to get up. “So, what do you want for dinner?” he asked.

“Why don’t you go wash up?” Praveena suggested smiling. “I’ll take care of dinner.”

Kamal smiled crookedly, raising his eyebrows. He said nothing though. Smiling, he nodded and left.

Twenty minutes later, Praveena sat at the table with her father to taste the dinner she had prepared. Kamal watched in silent surprise, as she served him hot chappatis and gravy. She sat next to him and helped herself.

They ate in silence, but Praveena’s mind screamed for feedback. For some reason, she felt the meal had a great flavour. Maybe love was the secret ingredient, she appreciated herself. ‘Or maybe, it’s because you want to flatter your father,’ her inner voice spoke the fact, annoying Praveena.

“How’s is it, Pa?” she asked.

Kamal looked into her eyes, unflinching. “Well,” he said smiling, “it’s actually good — for a bribe.” He smiled broadly now. Praveena bit her lip, looking sheepish. Kamal laughed, loud and hearty.

“What is it? You’re in love with someone and you want my permission?” he almost snorted, raising his eyebrows questioningly.

“No!” Praveena exclaimed defensively, making a little frown replace Kamal’s smile.

“What is it then?” he asked more serious.

“Well,” Praveena hesitated. Kamal looked into her eyes and she felt a slight chill at the back of her spine.

“I — er — we — that is, Anil and I — thought of starting a self help group. For drug addicts.” Even as she spoke, she could see Kamal’s expression changing. He didn’t look inviting anymore. Praveena waited, expecting her father to say something, but he didn’t. She had expected him to be excited and encourage her to carry out her plan, but his look suggested otherwise. “So…” she dragged, trying to make her father speak. But as he remained silent, “wha’d’you think?” she blurted out.

Kamal rested his cheek on his hand and took a deep sigh. The silence rang in Praveena’s ears. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Kamal said at last.

Praveena was crestfallen. “Why not, Pa?” she pleaded.

“Well…” Kamal stumbled. He didn’t know how to say it. “It’s dangerous,” he managed weakly. And when Praveena looked at him incredulously, “I don’t want you associating with anymore drug addicts!” he replied with a hint of annoyance.

Praveena couldn’t digest his tone of finality. She sat stunned at what her father had said. “anymore” he had said. Her insides squirmed.

Kamal hadn’t waited for a reaction though. He rose and cleared the table as Praveena sat with her father’s words ringing in her ears.

Praveena didn’t know what to make of her father’s queer behaviour. She had never seen him act so rude, to her in particular. She stared at him in disbelief as he did the dishes, left the dining room, without even a “good night.”

Chapter Thirty Three: Cold Facts

They sat solemnly in the ambulance, along with the injured man and a couple of nurses. Ms Marrie hadn’t said anything to her, but Pravaana cast her eyes down. She felt ashamed she hadn’t offered to help the injured man. She had been too shocked to do anything, but it didn’t quite qualify as an excuse.

The nurses had handed the man’s wallet over to Ms Marrie. She examined it for anything that might say something about the injured man.

“His name’s Ali.” Ms Marrie announced gravely. Praveena looked up and watched Ms Marrie as she continued to rummage in his wallet. It was a black leather wallet full of fresh notes. Praveena watched as Ms Marrie took out and examined a few cards from the wallet. She recognized a credit and a debit card. There was also a blood donor identity card and a driver’s license. There was a photo attached to the wallet. A photograph of a small girl with jet black hair and black round eyes. She was smiling. For some reason, looking at the smiling girl calmed Praveena. She noticed Ms Marrie staring at the picture and assumed she felt the same.

“Give me your phone,” Ms Marrie asked Praveena. She did, and Ms Marrie dialed the number on the identity card.

“How’s he?” Ms Marrie asked the nurse, her finger hovering over the call button. The nurse took a look at the unconscious man and replied, “It’s critical, but he’ll be fine.” Ms Marrie nodded once and called the number. She spoke in a quiet voice to the man’s wife, Praveena assumed. She told the other woman about the accident and, though her husband’s condition was quite serious, he would be fine. “Nothing the doctors can’t fix.” she assured the woman on the other side. She gave her the name of the hospital and other details, the location of the accident and the condition of his motorcycle. Once she had disconnected the call, she returned the phone to Praveena with a quiet “thanks.”


About an hour and a half later, they walked out of the hospital leaving Mr Ali in his wife’s care. As they went through the busy hospital corridor, Praveena turned to Ms Marrie. “I’m sorry, Miss” she apologised.

“Why would you be sorry?” Ms Marrie asked, curious. She looked at Praveena as if seeing her for the first time.

“For not helping that man,” Praveena was worried she had watched silently while a man had almost died. She hated herself.

“Don’t be sorry,” she said. “I understand you were too shocked to react.” she smiled, “just be aware of things from now.”

Praveena nodded acknowledging Ms Marrie’s advice.

They didn’t speak until they had boarded a bus. Having settled herself comfortably, Praveena observed, “People aren’t too helpful are they, Miss?”

She had startled Ms Marrie out of a deep thought. “What do you mean?” she responded in confusion.

“Those people back there,” Praveena said “they just watched — unflinching.” she said surprisedly.

“It’s not like that,” Ms Marrie corrected her. All of them could have faced the same dilemma you did,” seeing Praveena’s perplexity, she continued, “They must have expected someone else to help him. If you had noticed, once the ambulance arrived, those onlookers helped the nurses lift the man onto the stretcher.” She laughed. “It’s a queer psychology of humans — the ‘Bystander Bias’?” she asked Praveena as if trying to remind her of something. “It’s common.” she added.

Suddenly it all came to Praveena. She had heard of the Bystander Bias — she had studied about it in her first year.

“But,” began a worried Praveena not understanding what Ms Marrie said, “If it’s common,” she spoke slowly, making sure spoke what she meant, “then is there a way to not give into it?”

Ms Marrie smiled broadly, “of course there is,” she took Praveena’s hand in hers, and when Praveena raised her eyebrows in doubt, “Knowledge.” Ms Marrie replied. “When you’re aware of the thing that is holding you back, you can easily overcome it.”

Praveena smiled, but she wasn’t quite sure if she understood what Ms Marrie meant. She decided to figure it out for herself. For a whole minute, she thought over what Ms Marrie had told her and finally, it dawned upon her. She slapped her forehead hard, why hadn’t she realized it earlier?

She turned to Ms Marrie and noticed she had been watching her as she figured it out. They smiled at each other. “Thank you, Miss.”

“You know what Praveena?” Ms Marrie asked her unexpectedly, “when I saw that man, injured, about to die,” Praveena noticed her voice shaking mildly, “I reminded me of — ” she swallowed, “of Kevin.”

She turned to face Praveena, smiling painfully. “That’s how he died,” she added nodding her head thoughtfully.

Praveena didn’t know what to say. Ms Marrie bade her goodbye at the next stop.


Praveena took the lesson to her heart. She had to travel a little further to reach her stop and kept mulling over the day’s incidents in her head. She looked through the window and noticed the withered trees that lined the streets. They were beautiful, trees that spread their warmth and shade throughout the world. It was a pity to see them lifeless. They stood tall, but without liveliness in those swaying branches. They were contaminated instead, by smoke and the sounds of the city.

Praveena looked around the city, her city. It was the place she was born in, and all she could see were slums and unclean drainage systems. It was rather painful to realize she called this filthy city home.

As the bus crossed over a bridge, Praveena saw a man in the distance. He moved back and forth heavily as if a strong wind had blown him off course. He seemed to be struggling to get his feet back on to the straight path. In his failed attempts, Praveena noticed he had stamped on the muddy puddles nearby sending mud water splashing all around him. He came to a swaying halt in front of a small thatched hut and banged hard on the wooden door. A thin woman emerged from the door and Praveena noticed she was forcing a small child to stay inside. The man shouted at the woman who answered in a low and crouched position. Praveena stared in horror as the man slapped the woman hard on the face and left the hut, swaying and swinging his hands in the air. The woman went back into the hut and shut the door.

As they traveled further into the city, they came across a school building that looked like it hadn’t been renovated in the last twenty years or so. It was a small building and the light blue paint on the walls peeled off. She saw a lot of school children, leaving the school in groups of four and five. A smile played on her lips as she thought of the days she used to walk alone from school. It was a while before she saw that most of the students were bare-foot. A couple of kids wore cheap-looking slippers but there was a little girl with dark short hair who had covered her feet in a bundle of sack held together with a string of sack rope. Praveena was just another passerby as she watched those children involuntarily stepping on stones and muddy pools, smearing their feet with mud, and countless diseases. Praveena saw those children heading towards the slum the bus had just past by. It was their life, she realized bitterly. She thought of an article she had read earlier that day. According to the local newspaper, a few of those slum residents had been allocated small homes in areas with better living conditions, but these people had turned down the chance. Praveena couldn’t understand why they didn’t choose better lives.

Some ten minutes later, she was still in the same bus, but her view had changed. The streets were levelled, the trees were cut and shaped; forced to grow in shapes humans wanted them to. There were plenty of boxed bushes gracing the pavilions of large housing plans. It was the cleaner part of the city, cleaner because it was the home of the richer people. Here, people dressed not just comfortably but also expensively. She sized up a girl walking with her earphones plugged in. She wore a jean and a tee shirt, both branded, and had an iPod in her hand which she kept caressing every two seconds.

Moving on, the bus entered that part of city occupied by the working class. Here people dressed according to occasions. A normal day in office would mean a simple pair of trousers and a shirt, whereas a special festival was celebrated in vibrant colours and traditional dresses, not to mention the fire crackers. The bus past a temple and in a fleeting moment, Praveena got the glimpse of a bunch of people pouring milk over an idol; a part of their worship.

It was a while before Praveena realized she had forgotten to get off at her stop. Her random thoughts had clouded her mind and she had come far away from home. Chiding herself for her mindlessness, she got off the bus and took another bus that went back the same route to get home.

Sitting on the bus she couldn’t help but wonder at people’s attitudes. They were willing to spend thousands of rupees on deities they don’t know exist but they were reluctant to spend on fellow humans.

‘Money,’ Praveena’s inner voice said, ‘is the root of everything. Some people don’t help others because they of psychology, but most people don’t help just because other people are poor. Rich or poor, all these people need help to see sense. But sometimes, people don’t want to be helped. They’d rather be desperate.’

Praveena sighed, agreeing in silence.

Run, Run, Run

run, run, run

I ran into myself —

running away from the world.

Chapter Thirty Two: Explanations

Praveena thought back to the conversation she had had with Ms Marrie. She wondered how their first conversation in school had been an eyeopener; Ms Marrie had said, “You’re not the only one with problems,” and Praveena had realized the truth in those words the first time she had understood Niveda’s problems. Now it was Ms Marrie. Everyone has problems, but not two people show it the same way as the other. She smiled to herself.

She understood at last. She felt she had changed a lot. Her attitude towards people had changed drastically; she was now wiser to other people’s dilemmas.

Praveena thought back to the day her mother had died. She thought of how she had felt, and realized she had been trying to blame her mother’s death on something or someone, just like Ms Marrie had had. She had been searching for a reason, any reason, to blame her mother’s cancer on. Perhaps it was her age, she thought, and her immature mind that had barred her from accepting it sooner. Once again, her exchange with Ms Marrie had changed her perceptions.

And she grew greedy for more.


Praveena took a sip of her orange juice. She was at the Green Leaf restaurant again. Following their meeting a couple of days ago, Praveena had wanted to meet Ms Marrie again. She had called Ms Marrie and they had agreed on another lunch. Ms Marrie too had been eager. What began as a way of clearing Praveena’s cluttered mind in school, was growing into a relationship that neither of them could name.

Praveena looked around the restaurant. It was a wet afternoon and as a way of complimenting the weather, the blinds were raised, letting nature’s dull light wade inside the restaurant in pride. Even though the dim light illuminated the inside of the restaurant, there was an unlit candle and a matchbox on each of the small round tables. Praveena admired the white candles on the scarlet tablecloths as Ms Marrie walked up to her.

Praveena smiled at her. Ms Marrie looked beautiful as ever. She wore a light brown cotton sari, a colour that matched Praveena’s tee shirt. Ms Marrie’s eyes looked content again, and joy radiated in her broad smile. She took her seat and they placed their orders.

“How’s your father, Praveena?” Ms Marrie asked as she ate.

“He’s fine, Miss.” Praveena answered, licking her fingers and trying to look decent at the same time. “He’s so busy with work nowadays.”

“Hmm…” Ms Marrie acknowledged as she continued to eat. “So,” she swallowed, “has he spoken of marriage yet?” she asked casually. As if she had known all along.

Praveena choked on her mouthful of rice. Ms Marrie offered her some water and she took it. Eyes watering, she asked, “How did you know?” She didn’t hide her surprise.

“Happens to a lot of girls, and most of them agree,” It was perhaps the first time Praveena had noticed a hint of disapproval in Ms Marrie’s voice. She held on to it. “It didn’t happen to you, though. Did it?” she asked, enviously.

“Oh, yes it did,” Ms Marrie almost laughed thinking about it.

“How did you handle it?” Praveena was now full of devotion for Ms Marrie.

Ms Marrie shrugged, “I told my parents that I would marry when I wanted to.” she said simply.

“And they were ok with that?” Praveena asked, disbelieving. It seemed like her father wasn’t the only super dad.

Ms Marrie nodded, “As long as you’re sure, your parents would never try to change your mind. They’d start believing in you.”

Praveena nodded. She understood why Kamal hadn’t objected; he believed in her.

Praveena told Ms Marrie everything about the marriage proposal, from her aunt to the phone conversation. She also told her about Kamal’s reaction to her request.

Ms Marrie listened without interrupting.

Once Praveena had finished her narrative, “So, you need some time,” Ms Marrie observed. “Do you say that on someone’s influence?” She paused, “Are you interested in someone?”

Praveena thought. Why didn’t she want to get married? “No,” she said after a while. Ms Marrie raised her eyebrows in a questioning look. “I want to figure out what I want to do with my life, before I commit to marriage.”

“Ok,” Ms Marrie said simply, “you’re fine.” She shrugged smiling.

Praveena smiled in return, a little doubtful.


They left the restaurant together. Praveena volunteered to accompany Ms Marrie to the bus stop. It was a busy Saturday afternoon and the streets were full of heavy vehicles. People traveled long to enjoy the weekend with their family. There weren’t too many pedestrians though. Praveena and Ms Marrie crossed the street cautiously and waited for the bus to arrive.

Praveena suddenly noticed a group of people huddling together some forty feet away. She pointed it out to Ms Marrie and the two of them approached the crowd.

When they reached the crowd, they saw a biker, injured badly and struggling to breathe. Praveena stood stunned. She didn’t know how to react. The man on the ground was writhing in pain. He was surrounded by a pool of warm blood and she could see the gash in his head. His bike was a few feet away from him, the hand bar lopsided and bent in an awkward angle.

Praveena stood horrified, looking at the man who now seemed to have lost his consciousness. She turned around and realized Ms Marrie was missing. Before she could react however, Ms Marrie appeared with a bottle of soda. As Praveena, along with the onlookers, watched in silence, Ms Marrie went over to the injured man, lifted his head on to her left hand and poured some of the liquid into the man’s mouth.

A minute or two later, the ambulance arrived. No one knew who had called the emergency ambulance service. They took the man in a stretcher and asked Ms Marrie to accompany them. Without a second thought, Ms Marrie went with them, pulling Praveena along.

Owed

owed

I owe you…

You own me.


You can find more of my ramblings and sometimes sensible posts on Medium too.