Procrastinating

Blank and white
ghostly eyes staring into mine
waiting
questioning
every moment inching towards the fire
as pressure grows
on sweating brows
awaiting that drop
     red hot and blue
the beginning
of a great evolving tale
a masterpiece
in the making
was indeed still in the making

Blank and white
ghostly eyes staring into mine
judging
silently musing
just another day in the mire
my breath rasps
as the eye gasps
expecting a piece
      soft, tender, yet strong
the fruits
of a lifelong struggle
an achievement
much deserved
remains a dream, reality evading

Blank and white
ghostly eyes staring into mine
blinking
minutes passing
falsely assuring in case I tire
for darkness looms
deadline approaches
a story due for tomorrow
      real, gripping, and witty
one off solution
to demeaning poverty
yet endures writer, procrastinating

Drink up

mixed cocktail - Unsplash
old, wise, grumpy
and swimmingย 
heels over head
in tears of past,
consciousness
in a costly drink

Image credit: https://unsplash.com/@mero_dnt

Evolution of time

When I was five or six, my school teacher instilled in me the importance of the clock. Until then it was a round face on the wall, eye-less, needles circling past numbers one through twelve. Then, all of a sudden, time played into everyday conversation, and making my own clock at home became a school project.

I sat at the dining table on a Saturday morning, moping about the impending workload, all the while outlining a kitchen bowl on crisp board. My mother drew slices of arrows, one short fat and another longer slender with perfect, pointy ends. And even though I was familiar with the workings of a clock, I never figured why they had to have โ€œhandsโ€ or why those hands had to be one over the otherโ€”the shorter one always on top. Regardless, with a pin I pierced, securing them in place, sticking a slice of eraser at the back, for I knew well from experience why that mattered.

That took all morning, with the hour after lunch reserved for penciling numbers on the circular board. It required so much precision, that there was no way a-six-year-old would do it without complaining. Or a cartoon break.

All that hoopla came to an end when on Monday my smiling teacher, approving my effort, gave me a red star.

It meant the world.

She then used the same cardboard clock to teach us how to read the time, making us write as we readโ€”twelve oโ€™clock, half past six, quarter to ten, quarter past nine, 20 minutes past eightโ€”gah, I hated the secret math involved in calculating how many minutes had past or were to an hour. It seemed an unnecessary complication to think of the first half of the hour as โ€œpastโ€ and the next half as โ€œtoโ€โ€”as if thirty was the secret number around which the world revolved. As if conspiracy theories would unravel how three with its hunched shoulders and zero with its perfect nothingness made the entire world dance to their tune.

But it was important. A child who told the time well was a child whoโ€™d succeed in life. At least thatโ€™s what they told us so weโ€™d work hard for the test.

It soon grew far more convoluted, however. As I observed the world around me, I noticed that no one said 23 minutes to ten. They said nine-forty instead. It wasโ€™t accurate, but it was close enough. And to my utter dismay, close enough was good enough. Three meagre minutes, give or take, wouldnโ€™t kill us now, would it? Or better yetโ€”some said nine forty-five. Rather be early than late.

I was going berserk. People didnโ€™t stick to the rules. As if the rules were more like guidelines anyway. No one said the time as I was taught to, or as the clock showed it.

Then one day, our clock at home stopped running. โ€œMa, itโ€™s half past ten,โ€ I called out, rather proud of myself, after breakfast on a Saturday. She was making chicken and wanted to know how long itโ€™d had been since the bird fell in the pot.

Hours afterwards, I glanced at the clock againโ€”the chicken now eaten and almost digestedโ€”and it was still half past ten.

Oh, the horror.

Not only were people not telling the time right, time itself no longer showed it right.

Ah, stupidity of a six year old. Some even call it innocence.

And then everything changed. From being so important in life, to life, time becameโ€ฆ convenient. My father set his clock five minutes faster than everyone elseโ€™s. My watch matched the schoolโ€™s recess bells, my mother followed our good olโ€™ clock in the living room, and my brother in his room, had clocks from America, UK, Australia, and India.

From being dictated by time, we had for once conquered time, manipulating it into our disposal.

Unknown

You look in the mirror and someone else is there.

Itโ€™s past sun down, and the winterโ€™s too brutal to run outside. With the neighbours away on holiday, yelling wonโ€™t help either.

But you neednโ€™t worry; the face doesnโ€™t want to rip your eyes out. It just looks on.

Dark pupils enveloped in pale pink ovals. Deep in hollowed holes on a stretched parchment of ligament.

It blinks. Slowly, deliberately as if every tiny movement of tissue required as much effort as tearing away the label on a jam jar. Its nostrils flare as a long sigh escapes its nose, the tiny gash on the side streaming with renewed stream of blood. Eyebrows, as autumn leaves in winter, slimmed from being tugged at for months, arch over the holes, judgemental.ย 

Aged cuts like packed sliced bread, scream in silent pain from along its jaws. Dry, parched, and unattended, every slit, pore, and black spot yearns for a cure, pleads to you.

Hair once plush, pride worthy, had taken many a stride back, leaving in its wake a receding hairline whose dandruff peeks, mocks you.

Itโ€™s not your face anymore. 

You look around the house.

His books.

His furniture.

His favourite table cloth.

His choice of food.

His belts, his bottles, his smellโ€ฆeven on you.

Itโ€™s not your home anymore.

The security

โ€œHey Liv, did you see the new security guy?โ€

I looked up from my desk, mouth full of noodles. It was another lunch-at-the-desk day. Iโ€™d just hit submit on the report Iโ€™d been working all morning, and had turned to stuff my face into my meal-prepped lunchbox. 

Spaghetti in a sautรฉed tomato-mushroom sauce. Homemade food had never tasted so good. Perhaps Pinterest wasnโ€™t kiddingโ€”maybe cooking on Sundays is a better idea than brunch with friends. I even managed to get the laundry done, and folded it for good measure.

I shook my head at Jesseโ€™s raised eyebrows. Sheโ€™s not the kind whoโ€™d bring up the security guy unless it was important. Perhaps he was cute.

โ€œNope.โ€ I supplied swallowing the carby goodness. โ€œWhy?โ€

โ€œItโ€™s an old man!โ€ She almost shrieked, sitting down on my desk, despite knowing how much I hated that. But she didnโ€™t seem to be in her right mind today. Her usually straight black hair was bouncing off her shoulders in curls. Her mascara was a little too much to look at, and sheโ€™d force-matched her tiered skirt with a pair of high heels she looked terribly uncomfortable in. But she was gleaming with joy. Unable to figure it out, I decided to wait for her flamboyant explanation later.

โ€œSo what if itโ€™s an old chap?โ€

Everyone needed money. Itโ€™s possible that this man didnโ€™t have enough retirement funds. Or his kids werenโ€™t around to help him. After all, Iโ€™d seen a lot of older folks struggling to make a living. It was sad, sure, but certainly didnโ€™t warrant a hiatus during lunch. 

I went back to my noodles, ignoring the penciled eyebrows glowering at me. After a while, she gave up and went back to her seat. And I turned to the pile of reports that still needed finishing, verifying, and submitting.

Sigh. Itโ€™s going to be a long day.

For the rest of the afternoon, I carefully avoided running into Jesse in the bathroom or the vending machine. I knew she ached to discuss the old security guy. It wouldnโ€™t be the first timeโ€”she imagined herself an upstanding citizen being the change she wanted to see. A couple of weeks ago, I’d spent an hour listening to her lament the fate of migrants working casual jobs and unconventional shifts. All because she was drunk on a Friday night and ordered pizza. Her delivery guy was an African hoping for a permanent stay.

My escape was short lived. Just as I stepped out in the terrace, glad that Iโ€™d finally completed the weekโ€™s backlog, I jumped. 

โ€œI spoke to him.โ€

Not seeing her crawl up behind me, I turned ready to punch her shrugging childish face. Before I did however, she continued, eyes rounding in sadness. โ€œHe was missing his daughter. He took the job so that heโ€™s not bored and lonely at home anymore.โ€

She was Puss in Boots begging to go with Shrek.

My frustration deflated. It was no use fighting itโ€”she wouldnโ€™t rest until sheโ€™d gleaned a response from me. 

โ€œYes,โ€ I rubbed my stiff neck hoping sheโ€™d take a hint. โ€œThat is sad.โ€

Thankfully, that was the end of our conversation. I went back to doing some light reading and recipe hunting before heading home to Netflix.

As the office doors swung shut behind me, I saw him. A tall man in a khaki suit. He didn’t see me approach himโ€”something through the window seemed to have caught his eye and he peered, his shoulders hunched.

โ€œHave a good night!โ€ I faked a cheer, pressing the elevator button. I was exhausted and famished.

He swung around, taken aback. 

โ€œDad!โ€