All You Need to Know About Success

secrets-to-success

Looking for some tips to become successful in business and your personal life? You’ve come to the right place. You can Google “What it takes to be successful?” and you’ll land in thousands of articles. But this one’s different.

In the following pages, I will share with you, the secret to leading a successful life. I’ve written a couple of self-help books before and that gives me every right to tell you what to do. I know about success and I have the audacity to claim that I know more than I know. And that’s all you need to know about my authority over the topic.

As to what you need to know about success itself, let’s just say that it’s a 5-step procedure. Well, no, five’s too little. It’s a 10-step procedure to become what you wish to become and project your best self to the world.

Before we begin, know this: You should never worry about anything anyone says about you. That’s the first rule of wanting to be successful. People who do well in life and society don’t care what their neighbours think or say about them. Instead, they wake up every morning and do what they do best — ignore the world.

Because once you’ve become successful in life — personal or business — you don’t need anyone else in your life. And I don’t mean you can be alone, I just mean that you don’t have to be dependent on someone else.

First lesson: Success in life comes from within. Face a mirror and take a deep breath. Speak to yourself and tell the weird face staring back at you that you’re successful in life. Tell that terrified face that you have everything you need to live a wholesome life.

Sure, you may get fired today because you’ve been slacking for months even after your boss warned you.

Well, your car may backfire on you because you’ve been ignoring the check engine light.

And yes, chances are, you’ll run into the ex-partner you’ve been trying to avoid ever since you cheated on them.

Oh, and that landlord you’ve been hiding away from? He might come around in a few minutes to beat his rent out of you.

But don’t worry about all that now. You’re a star. You can do anything you set your mind to. You are a winner. Think of yourself as a studded, caped, shiny-haired fashion icon. People want to be like you. They’re jealous of you and all that you’ve got for a life.

Congratulations. You’ve crossed the first step towards achieving success. The best way to walk the life you desire is to help yourself. And I’m here to help you help yourself.

To continue reading, buy this book on Amazon. It’ll only cost you half your rent. This is the only self-help book you’ll ever need. Don’t work hard, don’t bother getting down and getting dirty. Just tell yourself you’re successful and you’ll be that in no time.

Somedays in Office

Tuesday. The day after a long weekend. I dragged myself out of the lift and into the office. So much work, so little motivation. I tried shrugging off the invisible, yet unshakable, weight from my shoulders as I shuffled over to my corner of the open office.

Nothing about the place was modern except its aura. The people were a decade behind in their ideas and the paychecks had already started waning.

I put my bag in my place and booted my PC. It took me a while to remember my password and once I did, I went right into my work email. Time to kick some serious ass, even though all I wanted to do was sip soda.

As I opened the notepad I always kept next to my computer, my post-it notes within were gone. I had written my tasks and pains in little colourful papers and put them in my notepad. And now they were gone.

“Hey, buddy!” called a cheery voice from behind me. A voice I recongnised almost in an instant, yet wished I had never heard in the first place.

“Hello, Jonathan.” I tried.

“How do you like your desk?” He smiled, his eyes sparkling and teeth gleaming. “I cleaned it up for you.” He clarified. “I heard you’re having a hard time after you broke up with Kim. Thought you’d like some help clearing the shit out of your life.” He winked. He had always been jealous of my girlfriend, his old classmate.

“Oh,” was all I could muster. It took me a couple of seconds to register the weight of what he had done. I wanted to wring his neck and leave him writhing in pain and misery. But he was the CEO’s nephew.

Oh, great! I smiled, instead. Thanks so much for being so thoughtful. Yes, I was upset about Kim until this morning. Now, thanks to you I’m overjoyed. I couldn’t have thrown away this stuff myself.

No, they’re not important notes. I didn’t have my meeting schedule on them. It’s not like I had noted down my best friend’s number in there. Or the number of that wonderful girl I met at the bookstore.

Good that I didn’t rely only on my notes, but also had my to-do list etched in memory. The boss wouldn’t like it if I forgot my tasks.

Not at all, Jonathan. You were right, those were just pieces of scrap paper. Thank goodness you threw them away. I wouldn’t have done it. I couldn’t have.

Newsflash

snow

“It’s the biggest snow storm of the century.”

Rebecca sighed, switching off the television. It wasn’t new. The news hadn’t changed from last year. Or the year before.

Ever since she moved to Alaska, winters grew snowier every year. And every time, the state spent millions in damage control.

Now even at the slightest hint of snow, everyone felt the need to rush to the store. People expected to be caved in at their homes. Rebecca joined the thronging queue wondering if she’d get her favourite cereal.

At the parliament, a politician looked out the window wondering, “What climate change?”

The Itch I Can’t Get Rid Of

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For a while now, Gmail has been showing me advertisements in my Social, Promotions, and Updates tabs. And though I’ve been dismissing them at will, I can’t help but freak out when I see something so relevant to what I had been searching a while ago.

I know, Google reading my emails and following my browsing history isn’t a new concept. Google has always done that, and despite a lot of people’s outburst against it, it doesn’t seem like big G would stop anytime soon. On another note, part of my work involves writing ads for Google to show our customers when they search for something relevant. So I don’t even think I have the right to be outraged by the ads.

Still, I am.

I don’t like the fact that Google is messing with my search history. It’s messing with my head. I don’t browse for anything vile but I get cautious even when my boss stands behind me. And to think Google is just right there, inside my system, peeking at me, and pecking at every trail I leave is just a little too much to take.

Then there’s the “Tell us why you dismissed the ad” message. That’s got to be the most sarcastic message that Google can send its users. I mean, what do you expect, Google? I dismiss the ads because they’re masquerading as emails while obscuring my actual emails. Not to mention it’s rude to shove ads in the face of someone who’s logging in first thing in the morning.

As if these weren’t enough, there are people out there who don’t care about Google’s meddling. I met a woman who shrugged off the idea as if she couldn’t care less. She was happy, instead, that Google had found her the curling iron she had tried and failed to find online.

Emails, like letters, are personal — even if I’m just writing to a software support team. I don’t appreciate it when a G product lures me into relying on its technology. The world already depends too much on Google. From my search and routes to documents and email, if I log into one app, a single company can see through me like glass.

To put it in plain speak, no matter where I go, big G follows me, watching me like a hawk. Why does it feel like 1984 again

Another Day, Another Case

For some people, New Year’s Day wasn’t as flashy as they thought it would be. According to initial reports, a group of men molested a bunch of girls in Bangalore on the 31st of December. Like any women-related news, this one, too, became the most news-worthy piece on our media. Some even reported that there were scores of people on that street at the time including a large group of police personnel on duty. It’s not the first time that a New Year’s party had turned rogue. However, things happened and someone caught it on tape. While police authorities denied that they had any evidence of mass molestation, various theories have blown on and off since. I thought it was just Indians being drunk Indians, but I came across more creative conspiracy theories as well. Like this one:

bangalore-another-day-another-case

Ah, what a gift it is to have such imagination! Sure, media says that the man had confessed to the story and that no other women had reported any molestation complaints. And yet, I can’t believe how such a thing could be real. It sounds like something that would be lousy even in the most unreal of movies. Or perhaps the media spins tales to create a buzz and increase their ratings; that’s not unheard of either.

But here’s the worst thing: for all we know, the news piece could be real. Anywhere else it would be questionable, but with India’s current state of things, it could just be too real. Pepper sprays and SOS messages are our necessities now. Our society has fallen to such low standards that we accept that molesting the woman you love is the only way to get married. That’s what the accused says, so I’m guessing he believed that he could get away with it.

I had hoped that twelve years of schooling and four years of college would’ve left a decent mark on our youth. After all, we teach them to respect women, we talk about gender equality, and we even seek men to help empower women. And yet despite everything that goes on one side, another more vile side of our society is choosing molestation as the acceptable pathway to marriage. I wonder, though, would it make a happy marriage?

It’s atrocious and downright cheap, and it leaves a nasty taste in my tongue.