Tag: workaholics

Somedays in Office

Tuesday. The day after a long weekend. I dragged myself out of the lift and into the office. So much work, so little motivation. I tried shrugging off the invisible, yet unshakable, weight from my shoulders as I shuffled over to my corner of the open office.

Nothing about the place was modern except its aura. The people were a decade behind in their ideas and the paychecks had already started waning.

I put my bag in my place and booted my PC. It took me a while to remember my password and once I did, I went right into my work email. Time to kick some serious ass, even though all I wanted to do was sip soda.

As I opened the notepad I always kept next to my computer, my post-it notes within were gone. I had written my tasks and pains in little colourful papers and put them in my notepad. And now they were gone.

“Hey, buddy!” called a cheery voice from behind me. A voice I recongnised almost in an instant, yet wished I had never heard in the first place.

“Hello, Jonathan.” I tried.

“How do you like your desk?” He smiled, his eyes sparkling and teeth gleaming. “I cleaned it up for you.” He clarified. “I heard you’re having a hard time after you broke up with Kim. Thought you’d like some help clearing the shit out of your life.” He winked. He had always been jealous of my girlfriend, his old classmate.

“Oh,” was all I could muster. It took me a couple of seconds to register the weight of what he had done. I wanted to wring his neck and leave him writhing in pain and misery. But he was the CEO’s nephew.

Oh, great! I smiled, instead. Thanks so much for being so thoughtful. Yes, I was upset about Kim until this morning. Now, thanks to you I’m overjoyed. I couldn’t have thrown away this stuff myself.

No, they’re not important notes. I didn’t have my meeting schedule on them. It’s not like I had noted down my best friend’s number in there. Or the number of that wonderful girl I met at the bookstore.

Good that I didn’t rely only on my notes, but also had my to-do list etched in memory. The boss wouldn’t like it if I forgot my tasks.

Not at all, Jonathan. You were right, those were just pieces of scrap paper. Thank goodness you threw them away. I wouldn’t have done it. I couldn’t have.

Flash news

“Hey, Jude! Did you hear? Hilary lost, Trump won!”

Oh hey, Jason. Trump won, you say? That’s such a surprise. When did this happen, anyway? I must’ve been living under a rock or something. I can’t believe I didn’t know he won. Well, it’s not like I had stayed up watching the three debates live or had discussed with my friends in the US about Trump’s chances. No, thanks so much for letting me know that Trump won the election. You’re my only news source. I wouldn’t have known otherwise.

By the way, how’s that project coming along? Do you realise that our client doesn’t care about the outcome of this election? How far are we on that?

Oh, we haven’t started yet? That’s brilliant. No, that’s fine, we can tell them it’d take a while. After all, we were busy watching the US elections and so was the whole world — our Russian client won’t mind at all. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to get back to my email.

What’s that? Oh, you just watched Trump’s speech on YouTube? Cool. Huh, the comments say he was high? Well, I don’t know. And you know what, maybe I don’t care. He was scary, you say? Sure, it’s not like I watched his speech live or anything but whether he smokes or not is his problem. Nope, I did not watch the recorded version. You think it was better than watching him live?

Anyway, thanks for the chat. I had been working for ten minutes straight and needed a fifteen-minute power break. By the way, since you know so much about the elections, do you know when Trump’s signing in as president?

Well, that’s weird. How come you didn’t know that there would be an official peaceful transition of power? You’ve been so religious about the election news so far today that I thought you’d know. Anyway, never mind. I guess it’s on the 20th of January. Well, it doesn’t matter anyway, check your mail. The client just emailed us asking for the report. Would you reply to them? And don’t forget to tell them you were busy with the elections.

Corporate Culture

My cousin rolled her eyes at me over her cup of cold coffee. When she lowered her glass, I saw she had developed a chocolate-cream-covered mustache.

I had just asked her how she liked her new job in the big city. In her first week, she had sent me about a hundred messages, all photos of her new workplace, the free meals, and unlimited candy, and the dorm rooms with their cozy bedspreads. The company even gave away free gadgets to employees.

Yet here she was three months later, the life drained from her eyes. I’d expected her to be more excited to talk about the new startup in the block.

She explained. And when corporate employees confess, it’s not pretty.

She got free food three times a day. And unlimited coffee, snacks, and chocolate (dark, too) anytime she wanted. And if she wanted to blow steam off, she could go next door to the playing area to shoot darts or pocket some carrom coins.

She spent over ten hours at work. She didn’t while away or go for tea breaks across the street. She could have anything she wanted from the pantry. And she could bring it back to her desk, working between bites.

She didn’t have a proper mentor either because most startups don’t believe in micromanagers and hierarchy. And with flexible office timings and unrestricted internet access, the only thing that stopped employees from watching porn all day was the creepy open-office setting. But no one felt bad about scrolling through Facebook because that was a part of a healthy productive day.

At first, she loved her job. With no boss to boss her around, it seemed like paradise. However, a few weeks later, she realised she was going nowhere. The company was doing alright; they had received foreign investments and decided to upgrade the playing area with a badminton court. But despite the fresh startup fever, work had become rather dry.

She thought about work while eating, she talked about work while playing, and worked while she travelled, too, (on the company’s free shuttle services) to and from work. Her colleagues stayed over at the office because they’d work all night, and the office beds seemed more comfortable than the one at home.

But they had the weekends off. So they could feel like they had a life. She knew she had none, though.

Just three months into a job, she wanted out. She couldn’t imagine giving up the benefits, but she knew she wasn’t growing where she was. However, if she made the move, her family wouldn’t understand and pressure her to go back in. She felt stuck, wishing they’d fire her.

As she paused to take another swig of coffee, I smiled at her. The lure of corporate culture. Fancy on the outside, finicky on the inside. I’ve seen a few of them myself.

Productive Mondays

Hello there, Kevin! Sorry, my headphones drowned you out. Good morning to you too.

Or, good afternoon more like. It’s almost 11.30. Yeah, I came in at my usual time, 8.30. Nope, it’s no big deal. You just don’t get drunk the previous night and you won’t be hungover in the morning. It’s that simple. I know, I know, you broke up with your girlfriend. Who told us? Well, you, of course. Remember, when you drunk-texted the whole team last night with your “my endless love” lyrics? I have to say, though, the boss called me up later asking me if you’d gone crazy or something.

But that’s ok. You were upset, it’s understandable. No no, you didn’t disturb us. It’s not like I had planned for a quiet dinner with a special friend or anything.

Anyway, I should get back to work, the boss would be furious if I don’t hand over that report today. Yes, catch you later.

Sigh.

Woah, Tracy you scared me! When did you come? I was just talking to Kevin about the mishap yesterday. Ah no, I wasn’t fumbling with my headphones because I saw you coming in through the corner of my eye. No, I was trying to finish a report. Need focus, you see.

Oh, your sister got engaged last night? Wonderful, thanks for the cake. Now if you’ll excuse me —

Hey Kevin. You again. What’s up? Oh, you came over for the cake, right. Er, no. I’m not getting married, Tracy’s sister is. Oh, well, I’m not thinking about marriage now. No, I’m not in a relationship either. I’d rather not talk about it, ok?

Oh, you think a little chit chat would be alright on a Monday morning? Well, if you won’t leave my place there’s not much I can do. Well, I could punch you. But you have a nice face, and I hate to bloody it. Oh, here she is. Hey Trace, Kevin likes your cake. So much so that he doesn’t want to leave.

—

Wow, that’s some deep conversation you’re having fellas. And don’t bother taking it elsewhere. I’m jobless anyway, and Kevin, I’m dying to know what happened between you and your girlfriend. Well, that report can wait, I guess. You know, Tracy’s always told me (she somehow gets through my headphones) you and your girlfriend weren’t at all a match. Notice her eyes pitying you? And then maybe notice mine too, because they’re hurling fireballs at you.

—

Ok guys, sorry to break you up. The boss just walked in gestured to me that and he wants a chat with you, Kevin. Maybe you should go, and see what he wants? Oh, don’t worry. It’ll be fine. And we’ll be right here when you get back, we want to hear more about your breakup.

Trace, I’m off to a meeting. No, not a team meeting, it’s — it’s an impromptu meeting. With a friend — from the 3rd floor — it’s personal, ok? Yeah, I’m taking my laptop too. Anyway, see you.

Corporate Learning

Hello, boss? I was wondering… do you have a minute, please?

Oh, I could pick your brain anytime? That’s wonderful. Thanks. Um, it’s just that I saw your email, and I didn’t understand something in it. Something about KT?

Er…no, boss. I’ve haven’t heard of that acronym in college. Not in my internships either. I’m sorry I didn’t know it was that important.

Yes, you’re right. I should’ve learnt it in college. That’s why I spent my college life stuck with teachers who wouldn’t even help me work out a project — to learn terms I could use at work four years later.

Yes, my teachers should’ve taught me what KT is. Oh, yes you’re right. It’s my fault that I didn’t care to ask.

I should’ve been more aggressive, yes. And progressive, yes. I’m sorry I’m a loser. I didn’t expect to deal with industry terms three days into my first job. And yes, a good mentor shouldn’t spoon feed me. They should let me learn stuff on my own. My bad. I should know what KT is. Thanks for helping me see that.

Yes, I will Google it. Thanks, boss. You’re the best advisor.

Kinesiology Tape… Kate Bush… Kensington Temple… This can’t be right.

Uh er, Jennifer? Can you help me? My boss sent me an email with a phrase: KT. You know what that means? Oh, I’m sorry, I had forgotten you’re new here too. Have you ever heard of this KT though before? No? Well, that’s ok. Thanks anyway.

Hello again, boss. I tried googling, like you suggested, but couldn’t find anything that seemed to fit.

Yes, yes, I’m a dumbass. I’m stupid because I can’t find something on the web, something I should’ve known coming right from college into corporate. I wonder, could you help me this once and tell me what it is? I swear I won’t come to you for help again.

Wait, what? You’re cancelling our session? We had a session? Our KT session? But I’m trying to figure out what that means!

Oh.

Yes, boss. Now that you mention it, it’s obvious. You’re right, it’s even on Wikipedia — at the bottom, though.

I am stupid not to know Knowledge Transfer. Thanks for teaching me that, boss.