I’m in love… Wow! What a divine feeling it is. Oops! Did I just say ‘divine’? Funny thing love is, made me call it ‘divine’. How bizarre! Its just a mark of my long-term madness.

My love has me crazily blabbering. I’m drowsy over it. I’m saying and doing things I sanely wouldn’t or shouldn’t. I’m already fantasizing what to do after my exams, and it isn’t going to happen for another month! I’m enveloped by this blissful feeling that keeps me attracted towards my love. The more I try to stay away from it, the more it haunts me.

What’s happening around me? Why is my exams isolating me from my love?

Time, it’s the need of the day. All I need is a little extra time for myself. Though I know I will have all the time in the world in a couple of months, the biggest problem is doing the waiting. It’s just so difficult to wait. Those around me aren’t doing anything to help either, the ‘best’ they come up with is: “wait.” I’m tired of doing it.

I am just so desperate, I’m trying to stay away (or at least maintain a reasonable distance) until my exams are over, but it seems almost impossible. I just wish I could spend more of my time with my love – but it seems so difficult to get closer.There is always my books between us, books that distract and disturb me through night and day.

Some people suggest that I give up on my love, because I still have a long way to go in terms of my formal education, or so they say. But I can’t give up on my love; it’s my future, it is what I depend upon. I can’t and will never, in my right mind, give up.

Enough chit chatting. Coming back to life on a daily basis, I am not going to think about the future, I have no exams for the next few days and I’m going to spend all of my next few days with my love.

I think I’ll go to the terrace with a novel, and my fantasies.

School life is nearly at its end. Here and there people are beginning to become emotional. Every day, at least one of my friends confess to me that they cried the previous day. All feelings and emotions are running high.

The most worried and upset are the ones who had been studying in the same school right from the beginning, we, those who came in the middle are just feeling neutral. That’s life, we have to move on to bigger and better things. If we want to stay where we are, then we may lose the mysteries that life has in store for us, but that is a topic for another time.

Even in this melancholic atmosphere, one thing that everyone is interested and excited about is filling up each other’s slam books. It has become sort of a tradition amongst students in their last year. A year ago, rumour had it that our seniors were caught red-handed for writing things about the teachers in their slam books. The teacher found out what her students really thought of  her,which, obviously, wan’t nice and they ended up in trouble.

Keeping this incident in mind, my classmates are careful enough to keep the ‘slam book operation’ a secret. I too had the opportunity to fill up my friend’s slam book. I am absolutely baffled as to where these people get ideas for questions! I started quite well, but soon enough, I was stuck. I didn’t know what to write. I turned the previous pages to see what others have written. (It wasn’t much help, I was on my own)

The question that really stumped me was: “I would like to own ______” It was a simple question but to me it seemed a tough ask. I kept wondering. A car? No, That’s not my style. I kept thinking for quite a long time, and then suddenly, it popped into my head. Why hadn’t I thought of it before? I wrote, “Four dogs”

Yes, that’s what I’d really like to own.

My brother really is… never mind.

To describe my brother in one word, the least I can do is: rare. Yes, he is an original piece of work and has a rare character. That boy (he really isn’t a boy, but ‘man’ sounds too serious), well, I really have no idea how to describe his character. There is only one thing that is constant about him: BEER.

He is an adventurous boy. So adventurous that he would sink his teeth into anything non-vegetarian that is edible, but when one looks at him, he looks like an underfed kid.

Jughead is his blog picture, and the more I wonder why the more I realize that Jughead’s character describes my brother best. Juggy is the exact pictorial representation of my bother (purely intentional). Both of them have fallen head over heals in love with food and both look like pencils wearing jeans.

Generally, when he speaks, he seems to make sense, but many a time he just blabbers. He loves speaking and all he needs to keep him going is a victim who can listen and nod. He doesn’t dominate a conversation though. What he really does is, if the one who is supposed to be talking with him is a little weak in conversation skills, my bro will do the honour of speaking on behalf. Like I already said, he is such a lover of food (he can’t get enough of it) and words, with Kingfisher to taste.

To help myself do a better job of this post, I asked my mother to name a few adjectives that, in her view, describe her son. Well, here’s what she told me: contented, loving, lovable, kind hearted, absent minded, forgetful, and irresponsible at times.

Pondering on these words, I realized all of those were true. I am not too interested about the loving, lovable and kind-hearted brother. It may be true but it’s too boring. Everyone is a good boy at home, which is not what I want to elaborate about. On a more exciting note, he is such an irresponsible idiot (most of the times). We witness a different comedy every week. His greatest problem is remembering when he had booked tickets and when he hadn’t, he can’t keep track of the dates of tickets, and he needs a reminder to remind him to ‘go home’. If he says he’s coming home for a weekend, I wouldn’t believe it until I see him. There is always so much of drama around him.

He studied engineering, but from what I know, he regrets it so much that he still didn’t bother to receive his degree certificate. He is an engineer, but he doesn’t have proof to attest it.

Those who associate with him would probably know how forgetful he can be. He could give Sanjay Ramasamy a run for his money. He’d say he’ll call back in ten minutes, and would forget about it within seconds. He has spent days without recharging his phone because, he would forget.

If there is one other thing that he absolutely loves, besides eating and beer, it’s sleeping. If he’s at home, I don’t even attempt to wake him, because my voice would only fall on deaf ears; I’d rather maintain my dignity.

One thing that I really like about him, (despite the fact that he is my brother) is the fact that he is frank. If he doesn’t like something, he just says it. I don’t think that he believes in the not-hurting-another’s-feelings theory. Of course, he wouldn’t hurt anyone on purpose, but he wouldn’t falsely appreciate something he doesn’t like just so as to not hurt others, and as he says, he doesn’t “openly criticize anyone or anything”.

He is one who lives everyday on a moment basis, at his own risk and expense, oh, and in case I’ve forgotten, he is also my brother.

I felt lonely today. School, as usual, was a total disorder. My classmates asked me why I looked sad. I didn’t look sad, I was only quiet. How easily people misunderstand you for being sad if you’re silent. The reason for my quietness? My friends were absent, simple, but the reason all the same.

Generally, I don’t miss anyone in school. If one is absent, there is always another, that’s my attitude. I’ve never had friends who would hang out only with me and I didn’t care about it too. I enjoyed being able to talk to everyone. I never was a part of a gang, but that wasn’t a bother.

Today though, I, for the first time in school, missed my friends. They are not great or brilliant, but they are most irritating people I can call friends.

I often wonder why and how we became friends, but that is a question I haven’t been able to answer. It just happened. They sit with me, they annoy me, they don’t let me do my work and I got used to it. Thanks to our class teacher for the seating arrangements.

Why, after so many years of schooling, was I suddenly bored without them? Was I missing the daily canteen sessions I have with them? I think not. I felt their absence and it was something new, something that made me yearn for their return. I might sound stupid, but stupidity is the essence of relationships.

It’s a pity that I should feel lonely, when school life is almost at its close. We have just begun to imagine life after schooling; people beyond the building we are accustomed to. If there is one good thing about life at school, it’s the friendships and the cherishable memories it imparts.

Strange it took me so long to realize it.

“And each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds.”

I won’t call myself highly knowledgeable about poetry, but I enjoy reading poems. Of all I’ve ever managed to read and understand, “Anthem for doomed youth” is one of my favourites. The last line of that poem, (quoted above) is one of those that has been haunting me ever since I’ve read it. I am not sure why, but I’ve always fancied anything that related to patriotism and pathos. Those two, in my opinion, are a good combination and a source of endless inspirations. Like many, I’ve also admired soldiers and battlers, still do, but, only that I’ve recently found out that they are being taken for granted. Maybe I’ve known it for some time, but it came crashing on me when I heard it from another.

A member of the armed forces is called a “servant of the nation”. Well, the name itself does not appeal to me, if I worked in the military I wouldn’t wan’t anyone calling me their ‘servant’. No way, certainly not. I need the respect I deserve and people would do better to realize that I have my own dignity and self pride. Then again, there are many who would say, that there is no other greater honour than dying for one’s country. (I thought Wilfred Owen made a point by calling that the ‘Old Lie’.)

India, our nation, is renowned for her corrupt leaders of the past and present who exploit our servicemen for their personal gain. They risk their existence to defend our nation from external forces, but what they get in return is repression from internal forces.

Indian servicemen are only portrayed as respected, but on the factual side, I think they are being ignored, deprived of their rightful joys and are being used for others’ needs.

Just because they don’t object to their superiors’ orders doesn’t mean they cant. They are only instructed to ‘follow orders’.

“Theirs not to make reply

Theirs not to reason why

Theirs but to do and die”

Sometimes I feel that some nations battle, only to lose some soldiers, whose cries go unheard. They walk into the hands of Death who embraces a crowd.

War,  I can name, is the most futile creation of man. Once they are dead, they are said to have made great sacrifices, but they don’t get the proper respect they deserve.

What’s the use of having a military base and describing it as ‘second to none’ when we can’t even pay them properly and respect their sacrifices? The risks they take; the battles they fight; the deaths they die; all go to waste because while they are busy fighting enemies, they are being back-stabbed by the very people they die to defend. Shame, this.