I felt lonely today. School, as usual, was a total disorder. My classmates asked me why I looked sad. I didn’t look sad, I was only quiet. How easily people misunderstand you for being sad if you’re silent. The reason for my quietness? My friends were absent, simple, but the reason all the same.

Generally, I don’t miss anyone in school. If one is absent, there is always another, that’s my attitude. I’ve never had friends who would hang out only with me and I didn’t care about it too. I enjoyed being able to talk to everyone. I never was a part of a gang, but that wasn’t a bother.

Today though, I, for the first time in school, missed my friends. They are not great or brilliant, but they are most irritating people I can call friends.

I often wonder why and how we became friends, but that is a question I haven’t been able to answer. It just happened. They sit with me, they annoy me, they don’t let me do my work and I got used to it. Thanks to our class teacher for the seating arrangements.

Why, after so many years of schooling, was I suddenly bored without them? Was I missing the daily canteen sessions I have with them? I think not. I felt their absence and it was something new, something that made me yearn for their return. I might sound stupid, but stupidity is the essence of relationships.

It’s a pity that I should feel lonely, when school life is almost at its close. We have just begun to imagine life after schooling; people beyond the building we are accustomed to. If there is one good thing about life at school, it’s the friendships and the cherishable memories it imparts.

Strange it took me so long to realize it.

“And each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds.”

I won’t call myself highly knowledgeable about poetry, but I enjoy reading poems. Of all I’ve ever managed to read and understand, “Anthem for doomed youth” is one of my favourites. The last line of that poem, (quoted above) is one of those that has been haunting me ever since I’ve read it. I am not sure why, but I’ve always fancied anything that related to patriotism and pathos. Those two, in my opinion, are a good combination and a source of endless inspirations. Like many, I’ve also admired soldiers and battlers, still do, but, only that I’ve recently found out that they are being taken for granted. Maybe I’ve known it for some time, but it came crashing on me when I heard it from another.

A member of the armed forces is called a “servant of the nation”. Well, the name itself does not appeal to me, if I worked in the military I wouldn’t wan’t anyone calling me their ‘servant’. No way, certainly not. I need the respect I deserve and people would do better to realize that I have my own dignity and self pride. Then again, there are many who would say, that there is no other greater honour than dying for one’s country. (I thought Wilfred Owen made a point by calling that the ‘Old Lie’.)

India, our nation, is renowned for her corrupt leaders of the past and present who exploit our servicemen for their personal gain. They risk their existence to defend our nation from external forces, but what they get in return is repression from internal forces.

Indian servicemen are only portrayed as respected, but on the factual side, I think they are being ignored, deprived of their rightful joys and are being used for others’ needs.

Just because they don’t object to their superiors’ orders doesn’t mean they cant. They are only instructed to ‘follow orders’.

“Theirs not to make reply

Theirs not to reason why

Theirs but to do and die”

Sometimes I feel that some nations battle, only to lose some soldiers, whose cries go unheard. They walk into the hands of Death who embraces a crowd.

War,  I can name, is the most futile creation of man. Once they are dead, they are said to have made great sacrifices, but they don’t get the proper respect they deserve.

What’s the use of having a military base and describing it as ‘second to none’ when we can’t even pay them properly and respect their sacrifices? The risks they take; the battles they fight; the deaths they die; all go to waste because while they are busy fighting enemies, they are being back-stabbed by the very people they die to defend. Shame, this.

A power cut of two hours results in us complaining about the heat, but it’s boiling somewhere – literally. That somewhere is the centre of what many people still call  ‘beautiful Earth’. The lava from the active volcanoes are boiling at a degree that will soon cremate us on the spot.

We don’t need scientific researches to prove it with statistical data. The strongest icebergs in the Antarctica region are melting faster than never before. It’s all thanks to the UV rays that are penetrating our Earth’s defences even while you are reading this. The unholy smoke has made the Ozone holey.

We know only about the Ultra Violet Rays. Who knows what other harmful rays are following the UV? Every other hazardous particles are now welcomed into the Earth. The Ozone has become so fragile that soon enough, it will become futile. For the petty joy of a couple of minutes, we are willing to demolish the future of the next twenty generations, figuratively.

In times old, when people still had a regard for the environment, Deepavali meant sharing joy, but now, it has lost its meaning and significance. Now, it is all about how much more we can spend on crackers and brands than our neighbors.

We don’t care about the environment, do we? That’s what the scientists and researchers are for, aren’t they? We won’t care about anything for as long as doesn’t affect us directly. Maybe, that is human.

“Do as I say” – I heard this dialogue from a teacher. It didn’t seem too significant to me because we do what they say. I mean, how many people have told teachers, right in the face, that they can’t do what they say? I certainly haven’t. I had had the urge to retort at teachers, especially when I don’t want to do what they say, but never had I the nerve to directly say it. Of course, I have faced numerous incidents in which I go to school with incomplete homework, but never have I told a teacher, in prior that I wouldn’t do it.

It takes a huge amount of courage to say NO. What a simple word it is, but how difficult it is to utter, especially in school.

“Do as I say” – they tell us and we unquestioningly do as they say. It begins in school. When we can’t boldly refuse or disagree at a young age, then how can we do it later in life?

Such persons become unquestioning labours, who the corporate world would love to have. They don’t protest. They are blinded by money.

So, it comes back to ‘school’. If a student is trained to question (not only regarding subjects), then these students will grow up to be the youth who would stand for what they should, and not for what they are told to stand for; know when to say “No”, and wouldn’t hesitate to say “No” when it has to be said.

I was wonderingly wandering when it dawned upon me that too many times in my life, I’ve been trying to please others. That doesn’t mean that I’ve always done what others wanted me to do. No. There were many instances where I’ve done only what I wanted, completely deaf to the comments of those unworthy. Having said this, I can’t deny that I have, under some circumstances, gone out of my way, just to satisfy others. By doing that, I wasn’t too worried but I wasn’t satisfied either, and life is all about being satisfied with ourselves, right?

What’s the point of living our lives without being satisfied with ourselves? My answer is, none. I know a few people, who believe that the sole purpose of living is to make others happy. I think these people need to get a life. We can sacrifice a lot of things, but our own lives? Definitely not. I don’t believe in after lives and I don’t care about them, all I know is that I’ve been gifted with one life and I don’t want to give anyone the satisfaction of having lived mine. I’ve decided to live my life on my own terms. I might face drawbacks, but then, what is the thrill without any risks. I’d rather face the consequences of my actions than others’.

There are a fair few people out there who like to have a commanding grip over others’ lives. As far as I’m concerned, these people are best avoided. One who always wants to tell others what to do and how to live, can never be a good companion, and I will not (hereafter) feel guilty of disappointing such persons. #NoteToSelf