
old, wise, grumpy
and swimmingย
heels over head
in tears of past,
consciousness
in a costly drink

old, wise, grumpy
and swimmingย
heels over head
in tears of past,
consciousness
in a costly drink
When I was five or six, my school teacher instilled in me the importance of the clock. Until then it was a round face on the wall, eye-less, needles circling past numbers one through twelve. Then, all of a sudden, time played into everyday conversation, and making my own clock at home became a school project.
I sat at the dining table on a Saturday morning, moping about the impending workload, all the while outlining a kitchen bowl on crisp board. My mother drew slices of arrows, one short fat and another longer slender with perfect, pointy ends. And even though I was familiar with the workings of a clock, I never figured why they had to have โhandsโ or why those hands had to be one over the otherโthe shorter one always on top. Regardless, with a pin I pierced, securing them in place, sticking a slice of eraser at the back, for I knew well from experience why that mattered.
That took all morning, with the hour after lunch reserved for penciling numbers on the circular board. It required so much precision, that there was no way a-six-year-old would do it without complaining. Or a cartoon break.
All that hoopla came to an end when on Monday my smiling teacher, approving my effort, gave me a red star.
It meant the world.
She then used the same cardboard clock to teach us how to read the time, making us write as we readโtwelve oโclock, half past six, quarter to ten, quarter past nine, 20 minutes past eightโgah, I hated the secret math involved in calculating how many minutes had past or were to an hour. It seemed an unnecessary complication to think of the first half of the hour as โpastโ and the next half as โtoโโas if thirty was the secret number around which the world revolved. As if conspiracy theories would unravel how three with its hunched shoulders and zero with its perfect nothingness made the entire world dance to their tune.
But it was important. A child who told the time well was a child whoโd succeed in life. At least thatโs what they told us so weโd work hard for the test.
It soon grew far more convoluted, however. As I observed the world around me, I noticed that no one said 23 minutes to ten. They said nine-forty instead. It wasโt accurate, but it was close enough. And to my utter dismay, close enough was good enough. Three meagre minutes, give or take, wouldnโt kill us now, would it? Or better yetโsome said nine forty-five. Rather be early than late.
I was going berserk. People didnโt stick to the rules. As if the rules were more like guidelines anyway. No one said the time as I was taught to, or as the clock showed it.
Then one day, our clock at home stopped running. โMa, itโs half past ten,โ I called out, rather proud of myself, after breakfast on a Saturday. She was making chicken and wanted to know how long itโd had been since the bird fell in the pot.
Hours afterwards, I glanced at the clock againโthe chicken now eaten and almost digestedโand it was still half past ten.
Oh, the horror.
Not only were people not telling the time right, time itself no longer showed it right.
Ah, stupidity of a six year old. Some even call it innocence.
And then everything changed. From being so important in life, to life, time becameโฆ convenient. My father set his clock five minutes faster than everyone elseโs. My watch matched the schoolโs recess bells, my mother followed our good olโ clock in the living room, and my brother in his room, had clocks from America, UK, Australia, and India.
From being dictated by time, we had for once conquered time, manipulating it into our disposal.
You look in the mirror and someone else is there.
Itโs past sun down, and the winterโs too brutal to run outside. With the neighbours away on holiday, yelling wonโt help either.
But you neednโt worry; the face doesnโt want to rip your eyes out. It just looks on.
Dark pupils enveloped in pale pink ovals. Deep in hollowed holes on a stretched parchment of ligament.
It blinks. Slowly, deliberately as if every tiny movement of tissue required as much effort as tearing away the label on a jam jar. Its nostrils flare as a long sigh escapes its nose, the tiny gash on the side streaming with renewed stream of blood. Eyebrows, as autumn leaves in winter, slimmed from being tugged at for months, arch over the holes, judgemental.ย
Aged cuts like packed sliced bread, scream in silent pain from along its jaws. Dry, parched, and unattended, every slit, pore, and black spot yearns for a cure, pleads to you.
Hair once plush, pride worthy, had taken many a stride back, leaving in its wake a receding hairline whose dandruff peeks, mocks you.
Itโs not your face anymore.
You look around the house.
His books.
His furniture.
His favourite table cloth.
His choice of food.
His belts, his bottles, his smellโฆeven on you.
Itโs not your home anymore.
โHey Liv, did you see the new security guy?โ
I looked up from my desk, mouth full of noodles. It was another lunch-at-the-desk day. Iโd just hit submit on the report Iโd been working all morning, and had turned to stuff my face into my meal-prepped lunchbox.
Spaghetti in a sautรฉed tomato-mushroom sauce. Homemade food had never tasted so good. Perhaps Pinterest wasnโt kiddingโmaybe cooking on Sundays is a better idea than brunch with friends. I even managed to get the laundry done, and folded it for good measure.
I shook my head at Jesseโs raised eyebrows. Sheโs not the kind whoโd bring up the security guy unless it was important. Perhaps he was cute.
โNope.โ I supplied swallowing the carby goodness. โWhy?โ
โItโs an old man!โ She almost shrieked, sitting down on my desk, despite knowing how much I hated that. But she didnโt seem to be in her right mind today. Her usually straight black hair was bouncing off her shoulders in curls. Her mascara was a little too much to look at, and sheโd force-matched her tiered skirt with a pair of high heels she looked terribly uncomfortable in. But she was gleaming with joy. Unable to figure it out, I decided to wait for her flamboyant explanation later.
โSo what if itโs an old chap?โ
Everyone needed money. Itโs possible that this man didnโt have enough retirement funds. Or his kids werenโt around to help him. After all, Iโd seen a lot of older folks struggling to make a living. It was sad, sure, but certainly didnโt warrant a hiatus during lunch.
I went back to my noodles, ignoring the penciled eyebrows glowering at me. After a while, she gave up and went back to her seat. And I turned to the pile of reports that still needed finishing, verifying, and submitting.
Sigh. Itโs going to be a long day.
For the rest of the afternoon, I carefully avoided running into Jesse in the bathroom or the vending machine. I knew she ached to discuss the old security guy. It wouldnโt be the first timeโshe imagined herself an upstanding citizen being the change she wanted to see. A couple of weeks ago, I’d spent an hour listening to her lament the fate of migrants working casual jobs and unconventional shifts. All because she was drunk on a Friday night and ordered pizza. Her delivery guy was an African hoping for a permanent stay.
My escape was short lived. Just as I stepped out in the terrace, glad that Iโd finally completed the weekโs backlog, I jumped.
โI spoke to him.โ
Not seeing her crawl up behind me, I turned ready to punch her shrugging childish face. Before I did however, she continued, eyes rounding in sadness. โHe was missing his daughter. He took the job so that heโs not bored and lonely at home anymore.โ
She was Puss in Boots begging to go with Shrek.
My frustration deflated. It was no use fighting itโshe wouldnโt rest until sheโd gleaned a response from me.
โYes,โ I rubbed my stiff neck hoping sheโd take a hint. โThat is sad.โ
Thankfully, that was the end of our conversation. I went back to doing some light reading and recipe hunting before heading home to Netflix.
As the office doors swung shut behind me, I saw him. A tall man in a khaki suit. He didn’t see me approach himโsomething through the window seemed to have caught his eye and he peered, his shoulders hunched.
โHave a good night!โ I faked a cheer, pressing the elevator button. I was exhausted and famished.
He swung around, taken aback.
โDad!โ
โYo cartwheeler!โ
Thatโs what those kids called him. Who could blame them? He was, after all, the man pushing shopping carts at the supermarket. Not that it was anything to be shamed of, he told his reflection every morning navigating floss around his teeth.
But he had a name.
Ruman.
Growing up heโd often wonder if his parents detested his existence so much so as to bestow upon him such an uncharacteristic name. Not a childhood day had gone by without him repeating and spelling it out for people to understand.
And even then perplexity clouded their face whenever they uttered it. As if theyโd rather not. As if something wasnโt just quite right.
It was still better than โcartwheelerโ he thought.
They even told random shoppers about his nickname, pointing him out, the long, brown, migrant who stumbled through the car park collecting empty carts people thrust away. Shoppers whoโd smile jovially at their juvenile innocenceโthey were just school kids, hanging out at the mall during the holidays.
It was all good fun for everyone, of course. Seasonal cheer hung in their air, overnight rosters hung over his.
Three years of regular supermarket shifts had served him well, though. With the weekends off, heโd taken up to flipping burgers for additional bucks. He was now the proud owner of three high-visibility vests, a third-owner car that needed service, and a son whoโd be starting school next year. He was already a year behind others of his age. Rumanโs wife had taken a second job too, to save up for school.
He seldom had time to talk to her.
Never mind. Heโd be cartwheeler as long as it took. Nothing mattered more than a good school for his son. Whatever necessary so his son didnโt end up at the mall catcalling another migrant, โYo cartwheeler!โ